Just Another Day in Paradise

Just Catching Up . . . .

2010-04-19T14:31:00.000-06:00

I have been terrible at keeping this blog up to date. I apologize not only to those who may read it, but also to myself for not writing down the things I'd like to remember. So many eventful things have happened in the past few things. Firstly, on February 1st I started a part-time job. That is a MAJOR event for me. It has been nearly 3 years since I last worked, thanks to my dance with Cushing's Disease. I was feeling good enough to apply for and then take a 20hr a week job at the National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome. (You think that's a mouthful? Try answering the phone! )
My job is to assist with the Period of PURPLE Crying program here in the state of Utah. This is a national program and is also in British Columbia. If you'd like to read more information about it click here: PURPLE Crying . I work with a great group of people and have enjoyed learning about PURPLE crying, shaken baby syndrome (SBS), and the efforts to teach prevention methods. In light of what happened with grandson Alex, I have a tender spot for this program and hope we can educate everyone on PURPLE crying and how to use it to prevent SBS. I get to do trainings to hospitals and health care agencies. This is right up my field of study so its been really good for me.

That leads me to the second reason for busy months - my schooling. I am finishing up my Masters program at Western Governors University. I just finished my last class and final exam and next term will begin working on my Capstone project. Once that is complete - I will graduate. Yippee! I won't know what to do without having school work.

In January we learned that daughter, Holly, has multiple sclerosis. So, we've been reading and researching and trying to understand this disease in an effort to be supportive of her. We are all participating in the MS Walk this Saturday in SLC.

Finally, and probably the very best thing - the addition of two grandchildren. I posted earlier about Ruby Noelle, born on December 7th. Now we add Bode Douglas Pay, born on April 15th. Weighing in at 7 lbs and 4 oz. Bode is pronounced like Cody with a B.
He is darling and Derek and Amanda have every right to be proud of their little bundle of joy!

Letting Go Creates What is Desired

2010-04-15T19:54:00.002-06:00

When a friendship becomes negative, one-sided and toxic, it is time to move on. I've had a particular friend for the past ten plus years. We've been through a lot together, good times and trying times. We always had each others back. However, the past couple of years as we both have married and moved on, things have changed. I found myself holding up the friendship all by myself. For awhile I could do it all alone. In the past the friendship was always reciprocated and I felt certain it would be again. But, then I read some comments about me and this particular friend did nothing to defend me. It was hurtful; not devastating, but disappointing just the same. I wish it were the first time, but its not. I am a very forgiving person. I always give everyone chance after chance - that is one of my character flaws, I guess. I am either just dumb or just always hoping for and seeing the best in everyone. Its the optimist in me. But I finally realized today that there is nothing more for me in this friendship. it is time to move on, time to let this one go. And so, with love and forgiveness and a suitcase full of good memories, I place this friendship in the river of life and watch it float away. I am sad, but yet I feel empowered too.

I found this quote:"Trying creates impossibilities, letting go creates what is desired." ~Stalking Wolf, Apache elder. After experiencing a chronic and devastating illness the positive things in life mean so much more to me. I really don't want to waste any more time on negativity and things that create impossibilities in my life. What I desire is peace, good health, and the things that add to my life, not take away. So with a few tears, but no regrets, I continue to watch this old friendship float further and further away from me. Goodbye, old friend. I wish you well. I'm moving on to the possibilities of new, positive and beautiful friendships.

*photo from Bob Towery's blog : Bob Towery

What I've Learned

2010-02-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

It's easy to second guess oneself.   To look back and wonder at the decisions and choices we've made and to question, were we to do it again, would we?

I think of my own life. Had I made different choices would my life have been any different? Any easier? Perhaps.   But perhaps if I'd made different choices, I wouldn't have the children I love so much, or the lessons learned from the struggles I've been through. I might be alone with no husband or children or even family to love me. Who knows?

Certainly, once a decision is made, you can't return to change it. We can however use it as a way to measure where we are now. In spite of bad decisions, in spite of mistakes made, are we any closer to being the child our Heavenly Father wants us to be? Are we better off because we learned from the mistakes made? Did we learn what He wanted us to?

For myself, I wouldn't trade the knowledge gained from the past 10 years . I had hard times, difficult times, trying times and I made plenty of mistakes - a plethora of mistakes! But what I've learned has given me so much more than I could ever have hoped for had I not made those mistakes. I've learned true compassion and understanding; I've learned not to judge and to 'walk in another's moccasins' ; I've learned to be grateful for everything that blesses my life, from a crust of bread, shoes on my feet to a roof overhead. I've learned that the Lord never leaves you alone, even in your darkest hour, even when you've done nothing to deserve the blessing of His presence. I've learned that sometimes He answers our needs before we even know we have needs. There were many times that I didn't know how I would pay the rent and keep a roof overhead for my children and I. And there were just as many times that the means would come, be it from my bishop or an envelope in my mailbox with no return address and a hundred dollar bill tucked inside. That happened several times and to this day I have no idea who to thank. I've learned what love is . . .. and what it isn't. Being controlled is not love, being criticized for not measuring up to another's expectations, is not love. Love is accepting a person where they are and how you found them. Love builds and lifts and makes you feel wonderful inside, it does not tear down nor make you feel guilty or less than. Love says I am your friend, come walk with me awhile and lets bless each others lives. Love is good and kind and gentle. Love doesn't yell or hurt or hit.   Love makes you want to be your best, not hide the light that Christ gave his life for.   I've learned about repentance and forgiveness and what a precious gift agency is. I've learned that Christ lived so that we can live and He died so that we might have eternal life in Him. I've learned that Heavenly Father counts every tear drop that falls in pain, sorrow, or loss and returns them ten fold in the way of blessings to grace my life. I've learned that there are a lot of very sad and lonely people in this world who do not know how to love or to be loved and who need our compassion and understanding all the more. I've learned that joy comes from the simple things in life. I've had material things - thinking they would fill the void of the emptiness l felt in my marriage -- but they didn't. I learned that there is no real substitute for love and that trust needs to be earned, not freely given, for there are those out there who will take that love and trust and abuse it, hurting and destroying you or anyone else in their path. I've learned and felt the joy of the sun coming up in the morning, of my granddaughters' smiles and my grandsons' giggles. Above all I've learned that life is good and that it is ours to do with what we will. We can complain and be bitter or we can make changes to enhance and better not only our existence, but also those around us. I've learned that a true friend is always there and won't abuse your trust nor use you. I've learned that being a true friend is not that difficult, especially when you love and accept them as they are. I've learned that life goes on even when you're positive it won't and that behind the rainclouds are a beautiful blue sky and a brightly beaming sun. I've learned that you can't go back to your childhood, but that you can bring that childhood forward to where you are and enjoy the treasured friendships of youth. I've learned that love means so many things and that there are so many dimensions to it that we have only just begun to learn the true meaning of love.

Would I change things if I could? Perhaps a thing or two, as long as I was guaranteed that I'd have my children and learn the same lessons. Its hard to say. I'd love to have been truly loved by a spouse from day one, to have a long and happy marriage, to have and raise children with the man I loved, to be able to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary. But, that's not in the cards for me.   So instead I am grateful for daily pleasures, for my children and for my husband, for the kindness with which he treats me and the ways he makes me his Queen.    Life is a good gift, and I am grateful that I am alive and can feel and hear and see. I don't believe we have trials in life, just opportunities for growth and becoming better people. I'm grateful for those opportunities and hope that I can be up to the challenge of those still to come.

Eve and the Gray Areas

2010-01-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

I recently posted these photos on my Facebook account as requested by a friend who wanted everyone to post pictures of themselves when they were young. My baby picture reminded me of a poem I had received as a teenager from my church youth group that had my baby picture glued to it. I don't remember who wrote the poem, but I memorized it and for some reason can still remember it:

So I was you

Somehow I can't think through

To that forgotten time when I was you.

Could your clear eyes read

What is written in my own?

Would you be disappointed

In the "me" to which you've grown?

I don't suppose as a teenager the meaning of the poem meant as much to me as it does now. It causes one to reflect on their life, and I do reflect on my life from time to time. I think back on choices I've made, decisions that changed the course of my life, things like that. I'm certain there are choices made by us all that make us wonder later on, "What was I thinking?"

However, as I look back on the choices I've made in life some were made out of fear, some out of faith, some were made when no other option seemed viable. Some decisions were wise, others stupid. Some decisions I regret, but not that deeply because from every mistake comes a lesson to be learned and hopefully I have learned those lessons and not made the same mistakes too many times! We are here on earth to learn, after all, so mistakes are to be expected. I often think of Eve in the Garden of Eden. She made a choice that changed things dramatically in her world. Her choice made she and Adam mortal and sent them from the beautiful garden into the lone and dreary world. Did she regret that choice? My guess is no. I think she made that choice after a long and thoughtful decision process. She knew that man could not be unless she partook of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I know some religions teach this story from a different perspective, I respect that. But in my mind she made the only decision she could make in order that man could be. So she partook and ate of the fruit. Yes, she and Adam were cast out of the garden. They learned to struggle and survive in a harsh world but -- they were able to have children. Had they remained in the garden as innocent as little children themselves none of us would be here. She had to break a law or a commandment in order for God's plan to take place.

I believe Eve was a very wise woman, she saw the gray area in a black and white world. Sometimes our decisions are the same. We have to choose the gray area in a black and white world. Sometimes its the only way we can learn and progress. Making mistakes is part of God's plan. We weren't meant to be perfect in this life - just to seek perfection. That is why Heavenly Father provided a Savior for us. Repentance and forgiveness helps us to see our mistakes and hopefully provides wisdom to learn the lesson. So going back to my poem, I think I can fairly say that my little baby self wouldn't be too terribly disappointed in the "me" to which I've grown.

Awareness Aids the Cure

2010-01-12T12:42:00.004-07:00

Cushing's disease is a terrible disease. I've said it before and I'll probably say it again and again. Hopefully, someday there will be a definitive way to diagnose and cure Cushing's but, until there is, it is up to those of us who know about the disease to keep talking and raise awareness.

I found this picture the other day. It's from nearly 8 years ago and is probably the last time I looked and felt pretty healthy. You can't see it from this photo but I have a slim neck and clavicle bones! (I had to crop my ex-husband out of the photo) Emotionally I was a mess, but physically I looked good and felt good.

Here I am about a year later with my family. Still looking pretty normal, just the fat around my tummy.

This next one is close to the time I met my husband, Steve, My face shape is beginning to change in this photo.

These last two are from my daughter's wedding in August 2008. Where did my eyes go?

Finally the day before I had pituitary surgery in June of 2009.

In addition to my looks and body shape changing drastically, (and not because I ate too much or didn't exercise as 4 endocrinologists told me!), my blood pressure increased, my cholesterol increased, my teeth separated, I had insomnia, I'd been told I had PCOS years ago and this was confirmed, I was so fatigued at times that I needed a wheel chair to get around and towards the end, before my surgery, I spent days on end on the couch because I was too tired and drained to do anything else. My whole endocrine system was out of whack. I developed hypothyroidism, Hashimoto's disease, pre-diabetes, sleep apnea, reflux disease, and a host of other problems. It was no way to live.

This charming photo is four days after my surgery. My face is pretty swollen due to the surgery but my energy level was actually fairly good. Since my surgery my blood pressure has come back to normal range, my cholesterol is getting better, my blood sugars are stabilizing but not out of the pre-diabetes range yet, I have more energy and endurance, and have no further need of a wheel chair! I have only lost ten pounds but I am told the rest will come off in time.

This photo is from a couple of months ago. Its not the best, but, I don't like my picture taken anymore for obvious reasons. Even so you can see that I look healthier. I still have the belly fat and haven't got my neck or clavicle bones back, but that will come. My dentist fitted a retainer to help push my teeth back together and that has helped. My cortisol and ACTH levels have remained low and I just have to battle the other hormonal problems caused by a whacked out pituitary gland. But I'm coping and know I'll be "right as rain" one day.

Unfortunately, the battle is just beginning for my 22 year-old daughter Holly. She is being tested for Cushing's and has an appointment with Dr. Friedman in Los Angeles on February 3rd. Her symptoms are much more severe than mine were and she is having headaches and vision problems.

This is Holly in 2005. Isn't she pretty? (Yes, I am biased!)

Here she is with her sisters on the same trip. (Yes, I know . . .they're all pretty!)

Later that year on her birthday. No symptoms yet.

Symptoms had started with this 2008 photo. She has always had problems with insomnia, now her facial acne has increased and she has straie on her stomach. She also was diagnosed with PCOS.

You can really see the change here. This is fall 2009. Where did her eyes go? And the thickening neck and rounded face certainly tell a Cushing's story. She, like me, is camera shy so I don't have any more recent photos, however, her face shape continues to be moon shaped, facial acne has increased as has her weight. The doctors think she has rheumatoid arthritis and are questioning multiple sclerosis, due to white lesions on the MRI of her brain.

This disease really sucks! I hate that word but it is the only one that seems to fit. I hate how this disease sucks the life out of you and if that weren't enough, takes your looks as well! I hate that it didn't stop with me that and that one and possible more of my children may suffer from the effects of the disease. I hate that it took me 2 1/2 years to be diagnosed because most doctors just wanted me to exercise and eat less. I am forever grateful to Dr. Theodore Friedman for finally validating what I knew all along. That I was sick and that the sickness had a name: Cushing's Syndrome. He and my surgeon, Dr. Ian McCutcheon, are my heroes. They literally saved my life. I have no doubt of that whatsoever. I may not be 100% yet, but I am 100% better than I was a year ago at this time. As long as I have breath and can spread the awareness, people will know about Cushing's disease. Right now, my time is for Holly and helping her through this. I am glad I went through it first so I can understand what she is going through and help her become a survivor.

If you or someone you know has any of the symptoms of Cushing's there is a website that will help you more than anything else I know - it did me. (Click here: Cushings Help and Support) Without this website I'd either still be searching and trying to convince physicians I truly was ill or I'd be dead from complications relating to the illness. God Bless Mary O.! She is the founder of the website and is every bit a hero to me as the good doctors.

The Reason for the Season

2009-12-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

If you've followed my blog for any length of time - well specifically a while ago - you'll know I have always been a Donny Osmond fan. I posted this video on my Facebook page but I love it so much that I wanted to post it here as well. It truly reminds me of why the Christmas season is special. The pictures are so beautiful - this truly touched my heart.

The Arrival of Ruby

2009-12-09T10:48:00.001-07:00

Happy news is welcome anytime - especially when it involves the arrival of another beautiful grandchild. Ruby Noelle Tracy was born December 7th, 2009, at 3:50 am. She weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz and is 19 inches long.

Isn't she pretty?

I'm going to have to get used to her name only because I had a great-aunt Ruby who was a dear aunt, but who was a bit odd. She carried dates and prunes in her purse for a snack. ;o) yum. Anyway back to our sweet little Ruby Noelle . . .

So precious

What's all the fuss about?

According to Wikipedia:

"Ruby is a predominantly feminine given name taken from the name of the gemstone ruby. The name of the gemstone comes from the Latin ruber, meaning red. The ruby is the birthstone for the month of July.
The name first came into wide use for girls in the late Victorian era along with other jewel names. Ruby is a currently popular name in English-speaking countries. It was the second most popular name given to baby girls in England and Wales in 2007, was the 26th most popular name given to baby girls born in Scotland in 2007; was the 17th most popular name given to baby girls born in New South Wales, Australia in 2007 and was the 113th most popular name given to baby girls born in the United States in 2008. The name was also once rarely given to boys in the United States and was ranked in the top 1,000 names given to boys born in that country between 1900 and 1940. In its masculine form, it is occasionally used as a nickname for the name Rueben.
Authors Pamela Redmond Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz noted in their 2007 book Baby Name Bible that Ruby is a "vibrant" name with a "sassy and sultry" image, while Laura Wattenberg wrote in her 2005 book The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Method for Finding the Perfect Name For Your Baby that Ruby has the image of a woman "kicking up her heels" at a music hall.
Ruby Tuesday is the title of a 1967 rock music song recorded by The Rolling Stones, while Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town is a 1969 country music song recorded by Kenny Rogers."

James, Maggie & Ruby.

Big sister Isabelle wanted to name her sister "Pink". I guess a ruby is close in color! Rubies are my favorite gemstone; I have two in my wedding ring. I think I like that definition best, that Ruby is a precious gem. I know she is to our family. Although I hope she has the spunk of a woman who would "kick up her heels" in a dance hall!

We're so happy that she is safely here and that she and her mommy are doing well. Welcome our little Ruby Noelle!

Baby Steps

2009-10-21T15:38:00.007-06:00

My "baby steps" park

People ask me all the time how I am doing since my pituitary surgery 4 months ago. I am almost embarrassed to answer because my answer sounds much the same as it did before my surgery. I usually say, "It depends on the day... sometimes good and sometimes not so good." I know it sounds vague and after having the surgery so many people are expecting me to be "all better". How I wish that were so.My Cushie friends remind me I was sick for a very long time and its going to take my body a long time to catch up and re-set itself. I am feeling, for the most part, really good. I have good energy days and not so good energy days. The horrible fatigue that was part of my life for so long disappeared the moment I awoke from surgery, and has not returned. Thankfully. However, I still get tired but that, too, is getting better. The weakness in my muscles is still there. Some days it causes me problems and other days it doesn't. Do you see now why my answers are so ambivalent sounding? For now, I just take each day as it comes. Its all I can do, otherwise I get extremely frustrated and impatient. I was reminded of this when I went for a walk today. Its been a month since my 2 mile walk day. I crashed hard after that, unfortunately, and its taken me a month, some hydrocortisone, and a pep talk from some of my Cushie friends to get back on track. I'm off the hyrdo now and feeling pretty good thanks to adding some testosterone into my daily regime. (it helps with muscle weakness, sleeping, and energy) I am taking so many hormones right now I could make another person! But back to today. I made myself start out slowly and walked two laps around the park. That's not much by my old standards. I used to walk 5 miles a day and at a pretty good clip. My legs won't do that right now, so I had to remind myself that this was my baby steps day. Its almost as if I have to re-learn how to walk and to re-train muscles that haven't been used in a very long time. I can accomplish this. And I can build upon it. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day I'll have my muscles working again. One day I'll walk five miles again. But, for today, twice around the track at the park was just right.

Finding Peace

2009-10-15T19:00:00.005-06:00

One of my Cushie friends posted this on Facebook. It is so beautiful that I wanted to share it here. Not only is the performance heart touching, but also the words. I looked up the song as I wasn't familiar with it and found the supposed story of how it came to be. I needed to hear this song and read this story. It reminds me so very profoundly that no matter what happens, it is well. God is in charge and all will be well.
It is Well

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

He lives--oh, the bliss of this glorious thought;
My sin, not in part, but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Oh my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

And, Lord, haste the day when our faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trumpet shall sound, and the Lord shall descend;
Even so, it is well with my soul...

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

~~Horatio Gates Spafford
[1873]

In 1871, tragedy struck Chicago as fire ravaged the city. When it was all over, 300 people were dead and 100,000 were homeless. Horatio Gates Spafford was one of those who tried to help the people of the city get back on their feet. A lawyer who had invested much of his money into the downtown Chicago real estate, he'd lost a great deal to the fire. And his one son (he had four daughters) had died about the same time. Still, for two years Spafford--who was a friend of evangelist Dwight Moody--assisted the homeless, impoverished, and grief-stricken ruined by the fire.

After about two years of such work, Spafford and his family decided to take a vacation. They were to go to England to join Moody and Ira Sankey on one of their evangelistic crusades, then travel in Europe. Horatio Spafford was delayed by some business, but sent his family on ahead. He would catch up to them on the other side of the Atlantic.

Their ship, the Ville de Havre, never made it. Off Newfoundland, it collided with an English sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and sank within 20 minutes. Though Horatio's wife, Anna, was able to cling to a piece of floating wreckage (one of only 47 survivors among hundreds), their four daughters--Maggie, Tanetta, Annie, and Bessie--were killed. Horatio received a horrible telegram from his wife, only two words long: "saved alone."

Spafford boarded the next available ship to be near his grieving wife, and the two finally met up with Dwight Moody. "It is well," Spafford told him quietly. "The will of God be done."

Though reports vary as to when he did so, Spafford was led during those days of surely overwhelming grief to pen the words to one of the most beautiful hymns we know, beloved by Christians lowly and great.

survive the journey: Stars Go Blue

2009-10-11T12:18:00.002-06:00

survive the journey: Stars Go Blue

Click on the link underneath the title to read a story about a mother's love and the strength and the courage of a little girl who was born with Cushing's Disease. It speaks for itself so I won't add much other than to thank Robin for writing it so beautifully and sharing the story of this beautiful family. God bless all of you.

Lessons for Parents

2009-10-02T13:05:00.004-06:00

I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to get on the posting bandwagon again. But, today I am going to try!

I originally posted the following by Carol Elaine Trott on my Facebook page but it seems more appropriate to post it here. I read this and thought how well she expressed the heartbreak of watching your children make disappointing choices, choices that in the end will hurt them. As a parent, you never stop loving your child, never stop worrying about them, never stop wanting their happiness. Sometimes it is so difficult to watch them make mistakes, and yes, it is heartbreaking. When they were small you could pick them up, love them, and put a smile back on their face. It was, in many ways, easier when they were little. So, this blog is for all the parents out there who know what I am talking about. Who step back and watch our children make choices that our experience tells us will be hurtful to them. We need to remember that even Heavenly Father had to stay his hand when Christ was crucified. The love of our Heavenly Father and Savior is so great that we need to remember to put our heartaches as well as our children in their loving hands.

When your kids break your heart....

When one of your greatest treasures in life are your children, and when you gave them all of your love and devotion, and when you gave them all of your strength, gifts, services, all your energies, time, and anything you could do for them, and you become not a part of their life anymore, it breaks your heart.

When your children want a separate life from you, which is normal, that they go out of their way to separate, and the only time when they want you, is when they need something, that breaks your heart.

When your children want no part of you, because you're too old, too giving, too Christian, (or maybe religious), and don't want to identify with you, that breaks your heart.

When your children break your heart, what can you do? Cry, get angry, after all, didn't you do the most for them?! Do you yell, pray, reject back?

No......

Now is the time to give them completely to the Father in heaven. Love them with His love, not your own, pray, and wait..............

Carol Elaine Trott
http://scrapsoflove.blogspot.com/2008/04/when-your-kids-break-your-heart.html

Stay Tuned!

2009-07-16T14:39:00.002-06:00

I'm back . . . or will be back to posting soon. I took some time off to get ready for my surgery and then actually having my surgery. I have a lot to catch up and I will soon so stay tuned . . .

A Happy Announcement

2009-05-31T13:36:00.006-06:00

As mentioned previously, I am behind on everything - especially this blog! But this entry is short and filled with exciting and happy news so I couldn't delay any longer.

Monday night James, Maggie and Isabelle stopped by for a visit. Two year-old Isabelle handed us a special invitation:

As far as we knew there were no birthdays to celebrate . . . so we turned it over to find out what the party was all about!

Yay!! Another grand-baby is on its way. We are excited for James, Maggie and Isabelle (who says the baby in mommy's tummy will be a baby sister) and we're excited for us - another little baby to love!

Dear Family and Friends...

2009-05-24T17:54:00.001-06:00

Now that I am finally approaching my surgery for Cushing's disease and the removal of the tumor that is on my pituitary gland, I thought I would share this letter that another "Cushie" patient wrote. She explains so well the disease, the surgery and recovery process that I hope you'll take time to read this in order to better understand my disease and what I will experience after surgery. I've highlighted the post-surgery information. I apologize for the length but it is very good at explaining everything.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and for all of your support and concern.

Dear Family and Friends...

Kate on the Cushing’s support board (Cushing’s Help and Support) wrote this letter after having pituitary surgery…

Dear friends and family:

I am writing this letter to share with you some basic facts about Cushing’s Disease and the recovery process so that you will have sufficient information to form realistic expectations about me and my ability to engage in certain activities in light of this disease and its aftermath.

As you know, Cushing’s is a rarely diagnosed endocrine disorder characterized by hypercortisolism. Cortisol is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands and is vital to regulate the body’s cardivoascular functions and metabolism, to boost the immune system and to fight inflammation. But its most important job is to help the body to respond to stress.

The adrenal glands release cortisol in response to stress, so athletes, women experiencing pregnancy, and those suffering from alcoholism, panic disorders and malnutrition naturally have higher-than-normal levels of cortisol.

People with Cushing’s disease live life with too much cortisol for their bodies as a result of a hormone-secreting tumor. Mine is located in the pituitary gland. Endogenous hypercortisolism leaves the body in a constant state of “fight or flight,” which ravages the body and tears down the body’s major systems including cardivascular, musculo-skeletal, endocrine, etc.

Symptoms vary, but the most common symptoms include rapid, unexplained weight gain in the upper body with increased fat around the neck and face (“moon faces”); buffalo hump; facial flushing/plethora; muscle wasting in the arms and legs; purplish striae (stretch marks) on the abdomen, thighs, buttocks, arms and breasts; poor wound healing and bruising; severe fatigue; depression, anxiety and emotional disorders; cognitive difficulties; sleep disorders due to abnormally high nighttime cortisol production; high blood pressure and high blood sugar/diabetes; edema; vision problems; premature osteoperosis; and, in women, signs of hyperandrogenism such as menstrual irregularities, infertility, hirsutism, male-patterned balding and steroid-induced acne.

The effects of the disease on the body are dramatic.

Worse, the psychological and emotional effects of having a chronic, debilitating and disfiguring disease range from distressing to demoralizing.

Imagine that, in the space of a year, you became unrecognizable to those around you and to yourself. You look in the mirror, but the person staring back at you is a stranger. You endure the stares and looks of pity from those who knew you before Cushing’s, fully aware that they believe you have “let yourself go” or otherwise allowed this to happen to your body. Nothing you can say or do will persuade them otherwise, so at some point, you stop trying and resolve to live your life in a stranger’s body.

You feel increasingly sick, but when you explain your array of symptoms to your doctor, you are dismissed as a depressed hypochondriac who needs to diet and exercise more. Worse, your family members think the same thing — and are often quick to tell you how you need to “change your lifestyle” to overcome the effects of what you eventually will discover, once properly diagnosed, is a serious and rare disease.

If only it were so simple! No one would choose to have Cushing’s. Those of us who have it would not wish it even on our worst enemy.

Most people with Cushing’s long for the ability to do simple things, like walk a flight of stairs without having to sit for half an hour afterwards, or vacuum the house or even unload a dishwasher.

One of the worst parts about this disease is the crushing fatigue and muscle wasting/weakness, which accompanies hypercortisolism. Not only do we become socially isolated because of the effects of an endocrine tumor, which drastically alters our appearance, but we no longer feel like ourselves with regard to energy. We would love to take a long bike ride, run three miles or go shopping like we used to — activities, which we took for granted before the disease struck. Those activities are sadly impossible at times for those with advanced stages of the disease.

Sometimes, as with any serious illness, performing even basic tasks of daily care such as showering and dressing can exhaust the limited reserves of energy available to a Cushing’s patient.

How do we explain to you what it’s like to watch our lives slip away? What response is sufficient to express the grief and frustration over losing so much of ourselves? It is often difficult to find the strength to explain how your well-meaning words of prompting and encouragement (to diet or exercise) only serve to leave us more isolated and feeling alone.

Though we wouldn’t want it, we wish our disease were as well-understood as cancer so that those who love us would have a frame of reference for what we go through. With Cushing’s, there is such limited public awareness that we are left to describe the effects of the disease from a void, often with limited understanding from those who love us most, which is disheartening.

The most frustrating misconception about this disease is that we somehow are “doing this to ourselves,” or delaying recovery because we need to continue steroid replacement or lack the energy to exercise often, which is sadly false. Trust me that we would love to have that much control over such a terrible disease.

Fortunately, there is a good likelihood of remission from Cushing’s in the hands of a skilled pituitary surgeon. Unfortunately, the long-term remission rate is only 56%, meaning that 44% of people with Cushing’s will require a second (sometimes third) pituitary surgery, radiation or bilateral adrenalectomy to resolve the hypercortisolism. Without successful treatment, Cushing’s leads to death. Even with successful treatment, I will have to be monitored for possible recurrence for the rest of my life.

After surgery or other treatment, the recovery period can last months or even years. Because the tumor takes over control of the body’s production of cortisol, the adrenal glands, which had lain dormant prior to surgery, require time to start functioning properly again.

Until this happens, we must take synthetic steroids or else risk adrenal insufficiency or adrenal crisis, which can be quickly life-threatening. Careful monitoring of our cortisol levels is critical during the weaning period. It is a rare but sad fact that some people’s adrenal glands never return to normal, and those people must continue to take hydrocortisone or prednisone — sometimes for life — simply in order for the body to perform correctly its basic systemic functions.

The physical recovery from surgery can be quick, but the withdrawal from hydrocortisone can be a lengthy and extremely painful process. As I described above, Cushing’s causes a tearing-down of muscles and bone. While there is an over-abundance of cortisol in our bodies (as a result of the tumor), we often can’t feel the effects of the muscle-wasting and bone deterioration because of the anti-inflammatory action of cortisol. Upon weaning, however, these become painfully (literally!) evident.

The physical pain experienced while weaning from cortisol has been described as worse than weaning from heroin. When cortisol levels are low, one experiences the symptoms akin to a really bad flu, including severe fatigue (”like a wet cement blanket laid on top of me”); weakness and exhaustion; nausea; headache; vomiting; mental confusion. It is imperative for people who are on replacement steroids after Cushing’s surgery to carry extra Cortef (or injectable Solu-Cortef) with them at all times in addition to wearing a medic alert bracelet so that medical professionals will be alerted to the possibility of adrenal insufficiency in the event of an adrenal crisis.

People who have struggled with Cushing’s disease all hope to return to “normal” at some point. Though none of us want to have Cushing’s, it is often a relief finally to have a correct diagnosis and treatment plan. For many, there is a gradual resolution of many Cushing’s symptoms within a few years of surgery or other successful treatment, and a good quality of life can be achieved.

But regrettably, this is not possible in every case. Depending on the severity of the disease and the length of time before diagnosis and treatment, the prognosis can be poor and lead to shortened life expectancy and diminished quality of life. This is not a choice or something we can control, but it is the reality for some people who have suffered the consequences of long-term hypercortisolism.

The best support you can give someone who is suffering from Cushing’s or its aftermath is to BELIEVE them and to understand that they are not manufacturing their illness or prolonging recovery. Ask them what they are able (and not able) to do, and then be prepared to help them in ways that matter — whether that be to bring them a meal or help them to run errands, pick up prescriptions from the pharmacy or clean their house.

Because it’s these little everyday tasks, which can fall by the wayside when someone has (or has had) Cushing’s, and these are the things we miss the most: doing for ourselves.

Ask us questions about the disease, and then actively listen to what we say. We know you don’t know much about Cushing’s — even our doctors sometimes lack information about this rare disease. But know we appreciate the interest and will tell you everything you want to know, because those of us who have it necessarily become experts in it just in order to survive.

Thank you for caring about me and for hearing what I am saying in this letter. I know you love me and are concerned about me, and I appreciate that so much. Thank you also for taking the time to read this letter. I look forward to discussing further any questions you might have.

Kate

Pituitary Surgery - all you ever wanted (or didn't want!) to know

2009-05-20T09:46:00.005-06:00

I found this website that tells (and shows!) all about the surgery I'm going to have. This came from Cedars Sinai :

http://www.csmc.edu/11912.html

State-of-the-Art Pituitary Surgery

Advances in technology such as the endoscope,surgical microscope and image guidance systems have led to major advances in pituitary surgery. Minimally invasive pituitary surgery that allows for precise removal of tumors in or around the pituitary gland also leads to faster recoveries, little or no scarring and fewer complications.

The pituitary gland is located in a hollow in the sphenoid bone called the sella turcica at the base of your brain. (The sphenoid bone separates your sphenoid sinus from your brain. The sphenoid sinus is a bony cave is located above the roof of the mouth behind the nose.) There is a direct path to the sella turcica through the sphenoid sinus.

Transphenoidal Pituitary Surgery

Transphenoidal surgery is a way of operating on the pituitary gland by going through the sphenoid sinus. This approach can be used for pituitary tumors and other types of tumors near the pituitary gland.

There are several ways to do transphenoidal surgery:

Sublabial approach. This type of pituitary surgery goes through the upper lip to open a path between the hard palate in the roof of the mouth and the nose. Sublabial pituitary surgery is probably the most common approach used today.
Endonasal approach. This type of pituitary surgery goes through the back of the nostril.

Sublabial Approach to Pituitary Surgery

Sublabial transsphenoidal surgery is relatively painful. It almost always causes numbness in the upper gums after surgery. It can also cause problems with the structures under the nose. An alternate form of this surgery involves small insucisions made in the nose itself. This avoids the lip numbness. It is similar in methods and side effects otherwise.

Afer surgery, the nose is packed with gauze for one to three days.

Endonasal Approach to Pituitary Surgery

Endonasal transsphenoidal surgery goes directly through the back of the nose, making a hole to reach the pituitary tumor. It is quick, safe and very comfortable for the patient. In the hands of an experience pituitary surgeon, it offers access to the entire pituitary area.

Only rarely is it necessary to pack the nose with the endonasal approach. This makes the patient more comfortable and means shorter stays in the hospital. There are no visible scars from this approach.

To learn more about pituitary surgery, click on the links below:

Surgery is Scheduled

2009-05-18T11:49:00.001-06:00

I'm behind in blogging. Lots of "stuff" going on right now. The big news is that I am scheduled for pituitary surgery on June 24th in Houston, TX. Dr. Ian McCutcheon will be the surgeon. I am nervous, excited, terrified and just wanting it all to be done and over with! I'll update with more details later.

Mother's Day Memories

2009-05-10T20:44:00.006-06:00

Today was quiet and low key. I was reading past journal entries and found this gem. I am still a grateful mom!

May 10, 2004

Once again, my children surprised me with their thoughts and caring yesterday. James and Maggie came and spent several hours with us. Bethany and Kaitlyn were here , sadly , Holly had to work. She made sure I had her gift before she had to work. Maybe some day they'll know how much it means to me to have them near me, their little notes of love mean more than all the presents or gifts money could buy. I love them more than they'll even begin to understand until they have children of their own. Each has their own gift that brightens my life. James gives me humor; Bethany her friendship; Holly her concern for me; and Kaitlyn her sweetness and unconditional love. I am amazed at these young adults and their sweet spirit of love for me. I am so very blessed to be their mother. I think Heavenly Father knew exactly what kind of children I needed and hand picked each of them for me. I'll just let them tell it as they did in their cards as I copy their words here:

James and Maggie
We all love you, Mom, for sharing , for caring, for keeps ! We love you! James and Maggie

Holly
Mom, I love the way you always put love in everything you do. Happy Mother's day! hehe I wuv my Mommy - have a good day, Holly

Kaitlyn
Mommy, I love all the good times that we have together and I think you're the best mommy ever! Mommy I love you so much and appreciate everything you do for us. I love you, Happy Mother's Day ! Love, Kaitlyn

Bethany
To my Mom on Mother's Day: I just want you to let you know that I could have never asked for a better mother than you. You are such a great example to me in everything you do. I admire your strength and endurance. I know it's very hard to do what you do. I know everybody appreciates all you do. I love how you are not only my mother, but my best friend. You are great at being both. I know you will always be here for me, and in turn, I will always be here for you. I know you have been going through some very hard times lately. I wish I could help you! You know if I had everything in the world, I would give it all to you. I promise you, someday you will get your dream house. Then you won't have to worry so much. That has been a goal of mine since high school. I do believe it will happen too! Thank you for always helping me through my hard times, even when you don't have the means to do so. I appreciate all you do for me ! So happy Mother's Day! You definitely deserve it . I love you, Bethany

Cleared for Surgery!

2009-05-09T23:21:00.001-06:00

I just got off the phone with Dr. Friedman and I am not sure how I am feeling. On the one hand he cleared me for surgery -which is good news to be sure! But on the other hand he said he is only about 80% certain I have Cushings and usually doesn't refer to surgery unless he is 95% certain. He suggested Dr. McCutcheon due to other endos possibly questioning my labs since the highs are not really high. Because my insurance is going to change in July and Dr. McCutcheon will no longer be participating we felt an urgency to see something done as far as surgery goes. Dr. Friedman agreed and said he would refer me for surgery. I know there are no 100% positives with this stupid disease so I shouldn't be surprised, even now, that I only get an 80% . . .still it would be nice to hear an absolute "yes, you do" or "no, you don't".

So there you have it. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Top Ten Things I Miss . . .

2009-05-08T07:29:00.003-06:00

. . . since getting Cushing's Disease:

My face. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the face looking back at me. I miss her.
Strength and endurance. Some days my arms ache so badly that I can't pick up or carry my grandchildren, let alone play with them.
Hiking. I love to walk and hike but since getting Cushing's I don't have the energy, strength or endurance. Its killing me - all this lovely springtime weather and I can't be out walking. A Mother's Day tradition we've had is to go to Antelope Island on the Great Salt Lake and hike up to the top of Buffalo Point. I haven't' been able to do that for the past 3-4 years.
Gardening. There is nothing better to me than working in soil with the sun on your back, weeding, planting, pruning . . . I miss being able to do yard work. I know - most think I'm nuts, but I like yard work!
Going dancing. Anyone who knows me knows I love to go dancing. No strength or endurance anymore. *sigh*
My clothes. Omar the Tentmaker could make a killing stitching me a wardrobe! ;o)
Social events. I don't have the energy or the desire to be out among people. That is so not me!
Wearing jewelry. I love jewelry - but since Cushing's my neck is too fat so wearing a necklace is uncomfortable. I can't wear rings, either, fingers are too puffy. No ankle bracelets either, for that matter.
My fashion sense. *see #6! I used to dress pretty fashionably. Now days I barely have the energy to get dressed let alone find clothes and accessories that denote any type of style.
Working. I miss having that purpose each day. I miss the interaction with my co-workers. I miss the extra money!

With that list, please know I am not complaining and feeling sorry for myself. On the contrary, I am just stating the things I miss. I know that someday I will get all these things back - once I get a cure. Perhaps that day is coming soon, I can only hope and pray. I have a phone appointment with Dr. Friedman on Saturday night to review my test results. I am hoping that he is going to clear me for surgery. Who would have ever thought I'd be praying to have surgery? :o)

Pay Day!

2009-05-05T10:11:00.021-06:00

May 1st - May Day - was a special day for our family. It became "Pay" Day as Steve and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Logan Temple. For those of you who are not familiar with some of the terms I'll use, I'll try to explain as I go.

We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and one of our beliefs is that families can be together forever. Through an ordinance called sealing, a husband and wife can begin this eternal journey together on earth. We believe that when we pass from this life, our marriage is still intact. When Steve and I were civilly married on February 17, 2006, we knew it was for this life only - or as long as you both shall live, 'til death do us part, or words that are similarly used in a civil marriage. Steve and I had a goal to be sealed and due to previous marriages we couldn't do so when we were initially married. It was a goal we worked towards together. When the time finally came we were thrilled, to say the least, and decided to be sealed in the Logan LDS Temple. We had met in Logan and I lived across the street from the temple for a short time. My own great-grandparents were married there. They lived in Hyde Park which is about 5 miles away, and walked both ways, in the rain, to be sealed for time and all eternity. Their commitment has always impressed me and been an example of what we should sacrifice to do the right thing.

The temple is a sacred, not a secret place, and as such only those who are worthy may enter. This requires an interview with our ecclesiastical leaders and the issuing of a temple recommend that allows us access to the temple. Some of our children and families couldn't be with us inside so waited outside for us. I gave the camera to Kaitlyn and the following are her photos of this special day.

Kaitlyn with grand-daughter Isabelle

Our grandson Ryken

Isabelle and our other grandson Alex

Sons James & Derek (holding Alex),
daughter-in-law Amanda and daughter Bethany

Steve & I
(I hate getting my picture taken since I've had Cushing's Disease
but I let Kaitlyn take this for the occasion)

Our Family
Back Row: James, Isabelle, Bethany, Dustin, Amanda, Derek (with Ryken)
Christina, Steve, Steve's dad Doug, Steve's aunts: Joanne, Evelyn, Dorene, and his sister, Kathryn.
Front Row: Maggie, Holly, Kaitlyn, Brianne, and Steve's brother Jerry.

We were so happy that Steve's dad and sisters could be with us. Steve's dad, Doug, will be 91 this summer. He is the oldest of the remaining siblings of Marjorie Pay Hinckley. He is such a sweetheart and we love him so much. He has supported us from day one and has always looked upon me as his daughter. The 'sisters' also have been so good to us and we love them to pieces.

Doug Pay, Joanne Baird, Evelyn Henriksen, Doreen Lloyd

It was an overcast day, but the flowers at the temple were so beautiful. I wish we had more photos of them and of the luncheon we had afterwards at our favorite place, Cafe Sabor. (The batteries died in the camera!)

Amanda and Ryken and the beautiful tulips!

Steve and I made covenants (special promises) to each other and to our Heavenly Father. If we do our part and live in such a way that we honor these covenants, we and our families will be together throughout all eternity. I can think of no greater blessing.

If you'd like to know more about temples and their purpose in our lives, this short video tells why we build temples:

Click here if you have additional questions.

I love Steve with all my heart. He is kind, patient, loving, supportive and my best friend. We have grown together in a relationship that I never imagined I could have and I am so grateful for him. There is now more purpose in our relationship as we work together to live to be worthy of an eternal union. I am so very blessed to have him and our children and grandchildren!

We took the following photos on the Logan Temple grounds when we lived in Logan - this is Mother's Day 2006 :o)

Steve, Bethany and I

Snoozin' Steve

Bethany & Kaitlyn

Sneeky Steve & Christina

What are Little Girls Made Of?

2009-04-29T16:03:00.006-06:00

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!

What fun it was to have our grand-daughter, Isabelle, come and play with us for awhile on Sunday. Our daughter-in-law's brother is very ill and is hospitalized at University of Utah Medical Center and she and James wanted to go spend time with him.

It was a nice change to play tea party, hold her baby, and watch "Hairspray" . When our grandson's come we play blocks, trucks, and are constantly on the move with them. Steve even noticed the difference. He said, "Girls sure are a lot less tiring than boys aren't they?" Being a mom of three girls I have to say that girls (in their younger years) are a lot less work than boys of the same age! We read stories, colored and Aunts Holly and Kaitlyn had fun playing, too.

Grandpa took Isabelle for a wagon ride around the neighborhood . . . and our backyard!

Yep . . . Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!

When Mountain Men (and Women) Gather

2009-04-20T15:23:00.017-06:00

I haven't been very good at blogging lately. I don't know if my creativity switch turned off or just what! Hopefully I'll still have a few good blogs left in me :o) I've had the photos for this particular blog for over a week so I decided I had better at least get them on here.

We went to the Spring Mountain Man Rendezvous at Fort Buenaventura in Ogden, Utah. I've always enjoyed going to Rendezvous and Pow Wow's and I guess that has rubbed off on my kids since Kaitlyn was the one who suggested we go to this one. It was a larger event than I've been to, but its been a few years since we've gone. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with Rendezvous - I'll share a paragraph from Fort Buenaventura's web site: (http://www.co.weber.ut.us/parks/fortb/)

"One of the most fascinating periods in Western American folklore is the mountain man era. The names such as Jim Bridger, Peter Skene Ogden, Jedediah Smith, Etienne Provost, and Hugh Glass, bring to mind strong, independent and rugged men who fearlessly lived in the Rocky Mountains. There they traded with the Indian tribes, married the Indian women, trapped the
rivers for beaver, and lived off the land.
The legendary rendezvous, where mountain men gathered annually to trade furs for supplies and to eat, drink, and tell stories and demonstrate their skills, have become as famous as the men themselves."

The sites and sounds were fascinating - men, women, children - all dressed in varying styles of attire wandered among the tents or "shops". Kaitlyn and I had to turn our eyes away quickly from one old fellow who was so authentic that he had no underwear under his buckskin Native American style trousers! The legs were only tied shut and he wore a loin cloth so . . . . .yeah, you get the idea! After awhile I felt very overdressed and out of style and wished I had a period dress so I could blend in. Anyway, now days, they don't trade, they sell their items.

Kaitlyn and I liked these dresses.

Steve enjoyed the story telling going on here.

There were canoes out on the river paddling around - kind of cold for me!

These guys were having an Ax throwing contest - watch out!

These folks were from the American Long Rifle Association. They demonstrated how musket balls were made, how leather was stitched and also showed some of the games played in Colonial America.

The best ending of the day was the homemade rootbeer! Yummy

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T10:58:00.002-06:00

At this Easter season of hope and renewal we testify of the glorious reality of the atonement and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. The empty tomb brought comforting assurance and provided the answer to the question of Job, “If a man die, shall he live again?” (Job 14:14).

Because of the Savior’s resurrection we will overcome death and become the beneficiaries of His mercy and grace. In a world of trouble and uncertainty, His peace fills our hearts and eases our minds. Jesus is in very deed “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6).

We give our sure witness that Jesus is the Christ. Though He was crucified, He rose triumphant from the tomb to our everlasting blessing and benefit. To each member of the human family He stands as our Advocate, our Savior, and our Friend.

President Thomas S. Monson, President Henry B. Eyring and President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, First Presidency of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

National Cushing's Awareness Day - 2009

2009-04-08T16:39:00.003-06:00

April 8th is National Cushing's Awareness Day. I am copying Melissa's blog for today. She had all the information I wanted to share, so I figured why do the work when she already did it all so well? I hope she doesn't mind, and, the full credit for this information belongs to her!

Happy Birthday, Harvey Cushing!

Harvey Williams Cushing (April 8, 1869 - October 7, 1939) was an American neurosurgeon and a pioneer of brain surgery. He is widely regarded as the greatest neurosurgeon of the 20th century and often called the "father of modern neurosurgery".

From: Surgical-tutor.org.uk

Harvey Cushing (1869-1939)

Cushing graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1895 and underwent his initial training with William Halstead. In 1900 he traveled to Europe and worked with Theodor Kocher and Victory Horsley, the founder of British neurosurgery. On returning to the United States he joined the staff at John Hopkins Hospital where he began his neurosurgical studies. In 1912 he was appointed professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School and surgeon-in-chief at the newly opened Peter Bent Brigham Hospital.

He was a pioneering neurosurgeon and developed many of the basic techniques and procedures used in neurosurgery today. Amongst his many paper the most important relate to the method of destruction of the trigeminal ganglion (1900), infiltrative analgesia (1902), the function of the pituitary gland (1910), experimental hypophysectomy (1910), the introduction of electrocoagulation (1928) and basophil adenomas of the pituitary gland (1932)

In addition to his clinical writings he was awarded the Pulitzer prize in 1926 for his book entitled the Life of Sir William Ostler. The endocrine disorder named after him is obviously Cushing's Syndrome or Disease. Cushing's Syndrome is the state of prolonged exposure to corticosteroids resulting from either excessive cortisol production or steroid medication. Cushing's Disease is pituitary dependent adrenocortical hyperplasia due to a basophilic pituitary microadenoma. The causes of Cushing's Syndrome are:

Cushing's Disease (65%)
Ectopic ACTH production (15%)
Adrenal adenoma (15%)
Adrenal carcinoma (5%)

"I would like to see the day when somebody would be appointed surgeon somewhere who had no hands, for the operative part is the least part of the work"

Letter to Dr Henry Christian Nov 20, 1911.

Causes of Cushing's

Facial redness
Rounding of the face (moon face)
Unexplained weight gain around belly
Buffalo hump, or hump on back of neck
Pink or purple stretch marks
Thicker or more visible body and facial hair
Acne
Muscle weakness
Extreme fatigue
Thin and fragile skin that bruises easily
Depression, anxiety and irritability
Slow healing of cuts, insect bites and infections
Bone thinning
Recurrent infections
Sleep disturbances
High blood pressure
Diabetes mellitus
Irregular or absent menstrual periods in females

Long-Term Complications of Cushing's

Plain old obesity (fixed by diet/exercise)
PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)
Diabetes (many have this, caused by Cushing's)
Thyroid problems (many have this, caused by Cushing's)
Fibromyalgia (no lab tests can prove this, given when they don't know what else is wrong with you)

These Western Skies

2009-03-27T07:40:00.011-06:00

One of my favorite country singers is the late Chris LeDoux. He touched my heart and caught the love of the West that I have in his music. I was thinking about him today when I looked outside this morning and saw this:
People (mostly Steve's family!) think its strange that we live where we do. They can't understand why we live "so far away" from them or from Salt Lake City. "So far away" from them is 40-50 miles! My husband drives it every day to teach in the school where he works. I've decided that they either have never lived anywhere but in a "city" or have never lived outside this state. We never complain about how "far away" they live from us - because to us its not that far. But that's a story for another day. When we were looking for a home to buy, we didn't plan on buying in any one area in particular. What sold us on this house was a few things: more house and land for the money being a big one, and the quiet area in which it was built. We live in the country, but not the "real" county - we have neighbors who are close; meaning that we are on one subdivided street between several fields. We have neighbors on either side of us, however, these are our closest backyard neighbors:

We have a farmer as a neighbor. He just plowed the above field and is getting it ready to plant.
And, living in the "country" as we do, we naturally have the typical "red-neck" farmer who plants cars, trucks, and cast off machinery in his field!

I don't have anything against people who live in towns or cities. I lived in them the majority of my life. But as I've gotten older, I seem to be returning more to my roots. The country life that I began my life in. We lived in town, but the country was a big part of where I lived in Idaho Falls, Idaho. I am coming to cherish the quiet country mornings and evenings and the proof of nature all around us. Where else can you see something like this?

This little guy perched on our fence for quite a while last winter. We've also seen deer, hawks, and all kinds of wildlife.

To look out my back door to the east and see this every morning reminds me how much is right with the world. See that canyon in-between the two mountain ranges? As a young man my great-grandfather would walk from this side of the valley through that canyon and down the other side to teach school. And looking out my kitchen window to the north, I see one of our local mountain peaks, Ben Lomond. My grandfather built a home on the bench just beneath the peak of Ben Lomond. I used to spend my summers there as a teen. The house is no longer in the family and I miss those slow and lazy days spent under the gaze of that grand mountain peak. Ben Lomond watched over the Native Americans when they hunted these lands, the Pioneers as they settled and farmed the land, and now it watches as the cities and towns beneath its peak spread and grow.

One of the song Chris LeDoux sang speaks my feelings on living where I do so very well. It is called, appropriately, "Western Skies". The lyrics are as follows:

My Nashville friends think I'm strange to make my home out on the range
Think it's nothin' but a God-forsaken land
Why don't you bring your guitar and family, move on down to Tennesse
Well, I just smile because they don't understand
But if they ever saw a sunrise on a mountain mornin'
Watched those cotton candy clouds roll by
They'd know why I live beneath these Western Skies

Verse 2

I got peace of mind and elbow room I love the smell of sage in bloom
Catch a rainbow on my fishin' line
We got county fairs and rodeos, ain't a better place for my kids to grow
Just turn 'em loose in the western summer time
And if you ever held your woman on a summer's evening
While the prairie moon was blazin' in her eyes
You'd know why I live beneath these Western Skies

Bridge:
You ain't lived until you've watched those Northern Lights
Sat around the campfire and hear the coyotes call at night
Makes you feel alright

Verse 3

So guess I'll stay right where I'm at, wear my boots and my cowboy hat
But I'll come and see ya once in a while
I'll bring my guitar and sing my songs, sorry if I don't stay too long
I love Tennessee but ya know it just not my style
I gotta be where I can see those Rocky Mountains
Ride my horse and watch an eagle fly
I gotta live my life and write my songs beneath these Western Skies
And when I die you can bury me beneath these Western Skies, Yippee-ay!

Welcome, Amanda!

2009-03-24T11:53:00.009-06:00

We are welcoming a new daughter-in-law into our family on April 3rd. Amanda is marrying son, Derek, and we are excited to have her as part of our family. She is a lot of fun and just perfect for Derek. We got to know her a little better last summer when she and Derek came camping with us.

As you can see, Amanda is going to have her hands full with Derek!

Amanda is a fun girl with a darling personality. She is an Audiologist (maybe she can help Steve hear!), loves the outdoors, and she and Derek are the perfect pair when it comes to humor. There was a family shower for her on Friday night. I rested all week, got ready to go and just couldn't do it - so stayed home and cried. (Stupid Cushings!) Holly, Kaitlyn and Bethany went, though, and Bethany took pictures. Someone else took this cute picture of all of our girls! (minus Maggie - she couldn't make it that night.)

Back Row: Bethany, Kaitlyn, Holly
Front Row: Brianne, Amanda

Its so much fun to see our family growing and our sons seem to have chosen some extra special young women for their wives - and of course, I have to add that our son-in-law is pretty awesome too!

Musical Photos

2009-03-20T14:11:00.006-06:00

This is my last Beauty and the Beast post - I promise! I couldn't help but share this link that has pictures from the show. I still can't believe how professional it was. I guess Steve has had two or three requests from other theatres' to rent the scenery. Anyway, these are the professional photos taken by Shooting Star Photography Photos Here Make sure you notice the cute Mrs. Potts aka Kaitlyn :o)

Speaking of Kaitlyn she just participated in the Regional High School Solo & Ensemble Festival and was selected to go on to the State competition next month. WTG Kaitlyn!

California and Answers

2009-03-18T14:07:00.009-06:00

Its been a week since my appointment with Dr. Friedman in Beverly Hills and I've been processing the information he gave me. Yes, I got the answers I needed. Firstly, I do have Cushing's Disease, caused by a small tumor on my pituitary gland. Why is this such a big deal when I've thought all along that I've had Cushings? Because finally a physician has validated my opinion, and not only that, he did so scientifically. Most other MD's I've seen have told me that "no, you couldn't possibly have Cushings. Its too rare and you just need to stop eating and exercise." or "You couldn't possibly have Cushings, you don't look like a typical Cushings patient and your labs don't suggest the possibility" to "you might be cyclic Cushings but we need more lab work to verify" to which Dr. Friedman's assistant, Dr. Z (I can't pronounce or spell his name!) said, "Either you have it or you don't. There is no maybe!"

Before Cushing's - 2004 - - - - - - - - - - After Cushing's - 2009

Dr. Friedman is an incredibly brilliant man when it comes to endocrine disorders. I had prepared a binder with all my health history, labs, doctors notes, weight history, symptoms, etc. in it. He flipped through it and asked me a few questions. He then looked at the MRI results I had a year ago and the high salivary cortisol levels I've gotten over the past year and said that I will be heading to surgery soon. I just have to get one high in either a cortisol blood or urine test. That sounds easy enough - but in reality I've been testing in those areas for the past year as well, and have not ever gotten a high reading. But I am hopeful because this is the farthest I've come with any physician and for someone of Dr. Friedman's high stature in the medical field - especially in Cushings research - to tell me I'll be headed to surgery soon, means that I will indeed be headed there and on my way to a cure. I have a stack of lab requisitions and I had another MRI while in California so we can continue to pinpoint this bugger of a tumor! I won't go into too many other details of Cushings - there are links in the Cushings section of my blog if you want to know more about this terrible disease. I want to stay positive and keep this bud of hope building.

A special thank you to Juan Diego Catholic High School who prayed for me last Thursday as a school; to those who have told me publicly and privately that they've prayed for me and for those who continue to do so, I also express my gratitude. I believe in a kind and loving Heavenly Father who watches over all of us - regardless of our religious beliefs. I know that He hears all prayers that ascend to Him, and I am grateful for those prayers in my behalf. I know that in faith all things can be accomplished.

I didn't have a lot of energy to do many touristy things while we were in California, but we did manage to do some non-strenuous type things. I was really grateful to my friends on the Cushings Help and Support website who said to swallow any pride and make use of a wheelchair at the airport. That was a lifesaver! And they're so nice about it. I couldn't have walked that far. Thursday night Steve and I went to the "Pirates Dinner Adventure" - kinda cheesy but fun. Steve even got to be a "pirate" and carry a cask of gold onto the pirate ship. :o) My best day was Friday. Steve and I drove down the coast starting at Long Beach. We took a tour of the Queen Mary - which about killed me - but I did it! Then drove down the coast and watched the Para Surfers, enjoyed the scenery and took in the sun. Saturday we went to the Mission at San Juan Capistrano and were going to go to San Diego to visit my roommate from College, Janice. Unfortunately I wasn't having a good day and after the Mission we had to go back to the hotel. I hate this disease for that very reason - you can never plan anything - and I didn't get to see Janice. We flew home on Sunday and I've been recuperating ever since. I'm attaching the photos we took of our trip. Take a good look at the photo of me - I really am not sneering . . .but you can certainly see my "moon face" . *sigh* I wish vanity weren't built into us 'cos I really hate seeing myself anymore in photos. But I am getting over that so that I can help spread the word that Cushing's is not rare - just rarely diagnosed. There are many people out there suffering needlessly.

Closing Night

2009-03-08T15:57:00.004-06:00

Postscript to Tale as Old as Time:

Sunday, March 8th -

Beauty and the Beast finished its run last night. What an incredible show it turned out to be! Not only did it break records in attendance but also just in the quality of show that Juan Diego produces.

Last night was especially nice because all of our family was there (except for James and family). Steve's dad came all three nights, as he usually does. Son Derek and his fiance' Amanda came, daughter Brianne, her boyfriend Kris and Ryken and Alex, came, and I have to say how impressed I was - Ryken (3 yrs) was spellbound throughout the whole show. He loved all the lights and costumes and was even a little afraid of the Beast! But was especially gleefully surprised when the Beast turned into the Prince! Alex (2 yrs) sang along with the songs and danced in his seat during the musical numbers. Daughter Bethany and her husband Dustin came, as did daughter Holly and her boyfriend Kevin. Kevin, as a rule, does not like musicals, but he came Friday night AND Saturday night and both he and Holly brought Kaitlyn a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Steve's brother Jerry and his wife Renee were there as was his sister Kathryn and her grand-daughter Christine who rounded out the family section. I have to say its so very nice to have married into a family that is so supportive of every event, be it great or small. Derek, Amanda, Holly, Kaitlyn, Bethany, Dustin and Steve and l went to dinner after the show completed a nice evening just being together.

Kaitlyn, for me, was the star of the show. She continued to be praised and applauded for her beautiful rendition of "Beauty and the Beast". I had many people come up to me to tell me what a lovely voice she has. Steve, of course, was the one who pulled the whole show together and helped give the kids the wonderful memories of this show to take with them throughout their lives.

Tale as Old as Time - Opening Night

2009-03-06T06:40:00.009-07:00

Kaitlyn as Mrs. Potts with her doting Director Dad

Let me just say, for the record, I am biased. With my husband as the director and my daughter playing the role of "Mrs. Potts", there is no way I cannot be biased. However, that said, the opening night of Disney's Beauty and the Beast at Juan Diego Catholic High School was a success. The cast was incredible, the crew right on with every cue, the scenery spectacular and the music beautiful. I heard several people comment, "This is a high school production?" The night was not without its challenges. The sound system had some problems and Roger, the young man playing Gaston, was getting over a case of laryngitis. Overall, the effect of the show was as hoped for - magical. It was especially fun to see little girls arrive in "Belle" costumes and to hear their ooohs and ahhhs when Belle arrives on stage wearing her famous gold ball gown. Or the sound of of the audience holding their breath during the suspenseful chase of Maurice by the frightening wolves and the fight between Gaston and the Beast. The special effects were incredible, from the foggy forest to watching the last petal fall from the rose and then the transformation from Beast to Prince. The cast and crew truly out did themselves with this show.

Kaitlyn with big sister Holly hamming it up

Everyone gave a stellar performance, but in my opinion, Mrs. Potts was the best one on stage! (yeah, I know, I am a stage mom!) She did an excellent job and even brought many in the audience to tears with her beautiful rendetion of "Beauty and the Beast".

I'll try to get more and better pictures and post them after Saturday's final performance. If any of you who live locally would like to go to the show, email me (cpay60@gmail.com) and I'll set aside some free tickets for you. Show times are tonight and tomorrow night at 7:00 pm.

Kaitlyn with her "Break a Leg" opening night gift

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2009-03-04T23:23:00.005-07:00

A week from today I am off to see the man my Cushing's friends affectionately call, "The Wizard'. The Wizard of Endocrinology - Dr. Ted Friedman. As a way of introducing him I have borrowed this description from the Cushings Help and Support website:

Theodore C. Friedman, M.D., Ph.D. has opened a private practice, specializing in treating patients with adrenal, pituitary, thyroid and fatigue disorders. Dr. Friedman has privileges at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and Martin Luther King Medical Center. His practice includes detecting and treating hormone imbalances, including hormone replacement therapy. Dr. Friedman is also an expert in diagnosing and treating pituitary disorders, including Cushings disease and syndrome.

Dr. Friedman's career reflects his ongoing quest to better understand and treat endocrine problems. With both medical and research doctoral degrees, he has conducted studies and cared for patients at some of the country's most prestigious institutions, including the University of Michigan, the National Institutes of Health, Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, and UCLA's Charles Drew University of Medicine and Science.

He has a private practice in Los Angeles specializing in hard-to-diagnose and treat cases of adrenal, pituitary, and thyroid disorders. He is the father of three children. Dr. Friedman lives in California.

He's the "Dr House" of endocrinology. He loves complicated cases and is an outstanding diagnostician.

He also has a PhD in pharmacology.

Why am I traveling all the way to L.A. to see this doctor? Quite simply I believe that this man can save my life. He has helped so many people with Cushings Disease/Syndrome and other pituitary, adrenal and thyroid disorders. Many credit him with saving their lives and bless his name, calling him "the good Dr. " and "our beloved Dr. F". Thanks to the encouragement of my Cushie friends on the Cushings Help and Support website Steve and I made the decision that we needed to travel to L.A. to see Dr. Friedman with the hopes that he can help me. I am very hopeful that he will not only save my life but that he will also help me get back the quality of life that I've lost since symptoms of this illness increased nearly two years ago.

We plan to do a little vacationing while we are there. Nothing too strenous. I probably won't have the energy to walk around Disneyland, but Steve has promised he'll push me in a wheelchair if thats what I need! What a sweetie! I've never experienced the Magic Kingdom from a wheelchair but there's always a first time, right?

Thanks to my Cushie friends for all of your support, advice and encouragement. I couldn't do this disease without you! Thanks also to my dear husband for standing by me - through thick and thin - for your patience as we've learned about this terrible disease and for always telling me that together, we will conquer it. Thanks, too, for letting me cry and for holding me until the tears are gone. Thanks to Kaitlyn and Holly who, along with Steve, are left to pick up the slack of running our home when I just don't have the energy or strength. For the hugs and words of encouragement on my down days, for calling just to see how my day is and if I'm doing okay, for taking care of me and for letting me know that you still think I'm beautiful even when I feel "Cushie Ugly". Thanks, too, for taking me on car rides when I've spent a day too many in the house. I am so blessed! I'm grateful for my 90 year old father-in-law who always worries more about my health than his own; for his sisters who call or check in with me to see how I'm doing and to let me know they love me and pray for my recovery; for my Mom who doesn't really understand this disease (who does?) but who prays for me and calls me hoping to hear that I'm having a good day. I am blessed with an awesome family and I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me wonderful children (and their spouses) and beautiful grandchildren. I learned a long time ago to "Let Go and Let God" because my life just runs more smoothly when I leave God in charge.

Sorry this turned a bit sappy! I am just very grateful that I am going to have this opportunity. And now, I count down the days until I see Dr. F. I can hardly wait! I will update this blog with details of my appointment, etc.

More info on Dr. F can be found at: http://www.goodhormonehealth.com/

Beauty and the Beast Reminder

2009-03-02T10:35:00.004-07:00

JDCHS Beauty and the Beast

Just a quick reminder for Beauty and the Beast : Thursday, Friday, Saturday - March 5, 6, and 7th, 7:00 pm, Juan Diego Catholic High School Auditorium ( 300 East 11800 South, Draper, UT)

Tickets available at the door (or contact me . . . I have an in! ;o) )

Awakenings

2009-02-27T13:53:00.005-07:00

Awakenings is a 1990 drama film based on Oliver Sacks’ memoir of the same name. It tells the true story of a doctor, played by Robin Williams who, in 1969, discovers beneficial effects of the then-new drug L-Dopa. He applied it on catatonic patients who survived the 1917-1928 epidemic of encephalitis lethargica. The patients were awakened after decades of catatonic state and have to deal with a new life in a new time. The patients eventually return to catatonia no matter how much their L-Dopa dosages are increased. The doctor tells a group of grant donors to the hospital that although the “awakening” did not last, another kind of awakening – one of learning to appreciate and live life – took place.

This is a great movie, one I've enjoyed several times. It reminds me of how fragile life is and that we need to appreciate the small moments.

I was reminded of this movie yesterday when I was running some errands. I had an especially good day yesterday. I felt clarity - in thought, energy, and attitude. I don't know another way to describe that other than with the word clarity. There are ups and downs with this illness I have. But every once in awhile a day will happen along where I experience "clarity"....an awakening of sorts. I feel like the patients in the movie slowly awakening from lethargy and fatigue, to experience clearness in thoughts, actions and just an overall well-being. I almost feel "normal" again. I cherish days like this because just as in the movie, they don't always last. I hated to see the day end yesterday. I was grateful for the good day and the feelings of clarity, but I dreaded going to bed and waking up this morning, not knowing what to expect. Every day is different. And this morning, when I awoke, the clarity was gone. I was back to fatigue, cloudy thinking and lack of energy. As the doctor in the movie said: "The human spirit is more powerful than any drug - and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten - the simplest things." I am grateful for the simplest things - especially my awakening days . . . my days of clarity.

A Bit of Heaven

2009-02-23T13:48:00.008-07:00

Steve and I finally got around to celebrating our anniversary. With the show (Beauty and the Beast) coming up, time together has been at a minimum. Saturday was finally our day and my gift to Steve (which benefited both of us!) was a couples massage at the Grassroots Aveda Spa. If you have never had a couples massage - you should. If you have never had a massage at an Aveda Spa - you owe it to yourself. We try to do this at least once a year and it is certainly worth the wait and the price. I wanted to use pictures from the actual spa, but since that isn't an option you'll have to visit their website.

When we first arrived we walked into a warm and welcoming waiting area, similar to a cozy family room - fireplace and all. We then were escorted to the pedicure room where we were treated to a fifteen minute foot soak, offered a drink of cold water or tea, relaxing music playing and a screen filled with a beach scene and waves flowing in and out. Can you say, ahhhhhhh .. . . . I love Aveda products. Maybe some day I'll be able to afford them! The foot soak they use makes my feet so soft.

After having our feet gently dried, we were led into the couples massage room. For eighty minutes - pure bliss. I think I could have floated out of there it felt to nice. Oh, and the hot rock massage? If you've never experienced that you don't know what heaven is!

After my massage therapist had finished massaging my arms, neck, legs, feet while I was laying on my back she had me roll over to my stomach. She then wrapped my feet in hot towels - oh man that was so delicious. I'm not sure what I liked best the hot towels or the hot rocks. Yummy all the way around.

Eighty minutes later we had to come back to the real world, but what a treat for each other and for ourselves. I felt so good afterwards. Too bad we can't do the massage thing everyday, maybe I could handle the Cushings better. This experience is something I would highly recommend to anyone - at least once or twice a year with your partner. Heaven is only a massage away.

Happy Anniversary

2009-02-17T17:33:00.006-07:00

Today is our 3rd Wedding Anniversary. In many ways it seems like yesterday and in many other ways it seems like we've been together forever. We aren't the usual newlywed couple as you can tell from our photo. We have a few years on us, we aren't freshly out of college or in our early twenties or thirties. We are one of the breed of middle aged adults who found out that happily-every-after the first time around didn't quite happen. Everyone who has ever been divorced has a story. I am sure ours aren't too different. There are no sides, just a sad story of two lives not working together. It happens. It is not a failure. Just a sadness. However, life moves on and thankfully, the possibility of another chance sometimes comes along.

We met four and a half years ago. Steve sent me a "smile" on one of those online dating services. We talked and emailed for a short time and then he drove 90 miles to meet me. Evidently he felt I was worth the drive because for the next year and a half that we dated, he drove that 90 miles each way at least once if not twice a week. Is that dedication? He just smiles and says he knew I was what he wanted. We had our ups and downs, our share of ins and outs. I asked him why he stayed, why he didn't move on? He again replied that he knew what he wanted and I was worth the wait.

We didn't have one of those flaming love affairs like they show in the movies. We grew into our love. We were friends and companions who grew into a deep and loving relationship. When he finally convinced me to marry him a year and a half after we met, I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do and I've not regretted a moment of the past three years. We still have our ups and downs, but we know that when the dust settles the love that binds us will still be there. The friendship that drew us will still be there. The commitment we made to each other will still be there and the goal we set of eternity will also still be there. Love certainly has been sweeter this time around.

"God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you", couldn't be more true. I am very blessed. Steve is everything to me and more, he is a wonderful father and grandpa, a sweet, supportive and kind husband. He is so patient with me and when I get down about this disease I have he says, "This is only temporary, we'll make it through this together". He treats me like his queen and only asks that I love him in return. Silly man, how could I not?

Happy Anniversary to my sweetheart, my friend, my love.

Tale as Old as Time

2009-02-14T10:47:00.004-07:00

Happy Valentine's Day! Since today is the official 'day of love' I must put a plug in for two of my dearly loved ones. They are, at this very moment, at rehearsal. Yes, its Saturday, but when a show is in production the days all blend together as cast and crew work feverishly to prepare for the main event: Opening Night.

My husband Steve, the director, and daughter Kaitlyn, the actress, are working terrifically hard on the next production of Juan Diego High School: Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

This is Kaitlyn's first role as a major player in a musical. She is the bubbly and wise, Mrs. Potts. She was very excited to get the role (incidentally, father Steve had no say in assigning this role, it was left to the musical director and the choreographer). Kaitlyn texted everyone she knew when she got the part - she was so happy. I'm happy for her - she'll be great!

The tech crew has done an amazing job in building an incredible set, parents of the cast and crew have donated and will continue to donate many hours in painting and preparing the set, helping with costumes and make-up, the cast dinner, party and clean up. There will be incredible pyrotechnics during the show, beautiful music from a volunteer orchestra, and the magic that only Disney knows how to bring to a production. If any of you have seen the Broadway version of Beauty and the Beast you know exactly what I mean. Posters are everywhere in the Draper/Riverton/Sandy community and people have already been calling and stopping into the school for tickets. It seems word of the incredible job Juan Diego does with their theatre program (thanks to their awesome drama teacher/director!) has spread. This will be the one show you don't want to miss. If any of you who live locally would like tickets - contact me or go to the schools website: Juan Diego Catholic High School .

Now, to add to the romance of the day, the lyrics from Beauty and the Beast. Anyone who has ever been in love can certainly relate to these words!

Beauty and the Beast

Music by: Alan Menken
Lyrics by: Howard Ashman

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly.

Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast.

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise.

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong.

Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast.

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast.

A Really Big Shoe

2009-02-11T12:56:00.016-07:00

Ed Sullivan was famous for saying, "Tonight we have a really big shoe for you . . ." I think I can top that!

This just in from the Press Trust of India: (well, it was on Feb. 5th, but close enough!)

"Jerusalem, Feb 5 (PTI) Shoe-throwing appears to have become the latest fad among protesters, with the Israeli envoy to Sweden adding his name to the distinguished club of victims after ex-US President George W Bush and Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao.
Israeli Ambassador Benny Dagan was delivering a lecture at the University of Stockholm yesterday on the Jewish state's recent military offensive in Gaza, 'Operation Cast Lead',when a 35-year-old man and a 25-year-old woman threw a shoe and a book at him, the media here reported today.
On Monday, a protester threw a shoe at Chinese Premier Wen, interrupting his speech at the Cambridge University during his visit to London which was marred by pro-Tibetan protests.
The act of shoe-throwing as a mark of protest was first witnessed
in Iraq in December last year when Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi threw his shoes at former US President Bush. PTI "

Hey - why not? Throwing shoes is easy, inexpensive and really tells the person who is on the receiving end what is thought of their actions - (Disclaimer: I do not agree with throwing shoes in reality. Throwing shoes at our President was totally out of line and disrespectful.) I suggest we throw shoes not at the person, but perhaps with the person in mind as a way of alleviating stress. With those thoughts in mind, I add to the shoes already thrown . . . a few of my own!
To the builder of our house I offer this High Flying Shoe Toss for not putting a sump pump in our basement. We live in a high water table area and our dear builder dug a nice hole for a sump pump but never installed it. (evidently it is the practice in this area to dig the hole but not put a pump in to save money - unless the homeowner is right there as they dig telling them to. We bought our house after it was finished so had no say in the sump pump addition.) The basement flooded two days ago, thanks to all the moisture we've had - rain and snow -there was two inches of water all through our basement! We had Alpine Cleaning and Restoration come and they've done a wonderful job at cleaning up the mess - their fans are still blowing 24-7 downstairs. It may be dry in a week or so . . . Luckily we found a plumber who came right out and put in a sump pump so we should be okay from now on. For the mess, the expense and the trouble one High Flying Shoe Toss goes out to our builder!

Maybe I should use this pricey, pretty and rather aerodynamic Prada pump for our builder. To remind him of the expense he inflicted on us? hmmmm

This next toss is what I call the "Phooey on Youey Shoe Toss". This goes out to all the doctors who have every told me, or anyone else with a chronic illness, that "there is nothing wrong with you". This shoe's for you!

This Large Group Shoe Toss is for all of my Cushing's sisters and brothers, "the herd of zebras in a world of horses" who have had physician's tell them, "You just need to exercise more and eat less", "Try pushing yourself away from the table", "Here, let me prescribe a diet pill", and my personal favorite, "If we average out the weight you gained in three months over a year, you gained 2 lbs a month, which isn't very significant. You just need to take in less calories and exercise more." huh?! Exactly why this Large Group Shoe Toss is for all those doctors!!!

I suppose if I were a vindictive person, this particular shoe would be tossed with extreme pleasure at times. However, I do not wish to inflict injury . . . just express my frustration. Therefore, the Spiky Shoe Toss will be eliminated from this particular competition. :o)

This Sporty Shoe Toss, more of a fling really, goes out to all those physicians who say that Cushing's is a rare disease or we don't look like a Cushing's patient, therefore we could not possibly have it; to the lab techs who mess up specimens; to the insurance companies who don't understand that there really aren't any physician's where we live that are Cushing's experts, to those who may think we are just fat and lazy. Fling well, Sporty Shoe Toss!

Remember dear old Ed saying he had a really big shoe for us? Check out this baby!

I bequeath this shoe to you, my friends, for any and all frustrating people who make your life a bit more stressful. Use it wisely!

Glenys on Dieting

2009-02-09T11:42:00.008-07:00

This is an email I received from my pen-pal Glenys. She lives in England and we've been emailing each other for at least ten years or so. We were able to meet she and her family when we were in England last June - what fun that was and I look forward to the next time. She has a delightful sense of humor and always has me laughing. I just couldn't miss sharing this email with you.

Lee and Glenys Tupper

Hi everyone,

I am writing to friends to offer them my diet/nutrition books which I have collected over many years. I am spring cleaning/preparing to move (mortgage depending)/I need the space.

I am getting rid of these books because they don't work. I am still around 2 stone (28lbs) overweight, I occasionally get spots, my digestive system is still slow, I am not 20 years younger, more beautiful, and my hair and nails still do their own thing.

I have spent a small fortune on these as well as membership to various slimming clubs, gyms and exercise classes. I will spend no more.

Those who know me well know that I have had several careers none of which have been model, actress or rock star. I am neither rich nor famous.

Over the past couple of years I have discovered that I am a pretty good cook and I am sitting here writing this after having consumed a cracking British Sunday dinner of roast beef with all the trimmings. I am also enjoying a glass of wine.

Have I put on any weight? No. Will I eat like this all the time? Don't be daft it's Monday tomorrow and I will take my usual sandwich/box of salad into work.

In the future I intend to enjoy everything I eat and if I don't like it I am not going to eat it. I have found that I much prefer a diet with lots of crisp fresh vegetables and water is good to drink when you are thirsty. I like proper chocolate in small amounts, a cooked breakfast on special occasions, the flapjacks at the Green Stop cafe, chicken with the skin on, well made sausages and lots of pancakes on Shrove Tuesday.

I will never eat quinoa again - ever! The rest of the packet in my cupboard will make good wall paper paste.

Life is too short. Learn to cook. Invite friends round for dinner (when can you come? Phone me and make a date) Eat everything you like in moderation and enjoy it.

So, would anyone like a book? I have two by the fraudster Gillian McKeath, one Patrick Holford, one The Diet Doctors, one Hippy Chick Macrobiotic book, and a Cook Yourself Thin. I also have some gluten free cook books. Of course if I give them to you and you then go on to be slim, fit, 20 years younger with stunning hair and nails I may never speak to you again - but then I bet I will be much happier than you..... and of course, that is unlikely to happen. Sorry.

Lots of love

Glenys

6 Things That Make You Smile

2009-02-05T19:52:00.005-07:00

I was tagged by Carrie to share 6 things that make me smile. There are many things that make me smile so to limit it to 6 is a bit tough but I think I can do it!

1. My husband and his goofy (and usually really bad!) teacher jokes.
2. My children - especially when they do kind things for others.
3. My grandchildren - they don't have to do anything except be their cute little selves- and I smile.
4. Island Park, Idaho.
5. Lilacs and wild flowers.
6. A good book.

I tag Krista, Janine, Maggie, Jessica, Judy and Grace.

RULES:Link to the person who has tagged you.
Write down six things that make you happy.
Post the rules, tag six others and let them know you did it.
Then tell the person when your entry is complete.

For Ladies Over 40

2009-02-04T14:59:00.007-07:00

This little article has made the rounds over the internet several times. It usually shows Andy Rooney as its author, but that is incorrect. A man named Frank Kaiser wrote it. (He is the author of an internet site called: Suddenly Senior) Either way, I like the message, so for those of us in our 40's - - enjoy!

In Praise of Women Over 40

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

Frank Kaiser

Summertime

2009-01-25T17:41:00.011-07:00

Island Park Sunset

It is a cold and snowy day today . . . the kind of winter day you just want to curl up, drink hot chocolate and read a good book in front of the fireplace. On days like today its good to remember that summer will come. Long hot days, warm summer nights, and a trip to Island Park, Idaho. That is my absolutely most favorite place on earth. I have childhood memories of visits there but it has only been in my adult years that I've learned to appreciate the peace, serenity, and beauty that I find in Island Park. We've already rented a cabin for a week in July and I am so excited! It won't come soon enough. But for today, just sit back, relax and enjoy the peaceful images of Island Park in summer.

One of my favorite things: Wildflowers!

Henry's Lake

Red Rock Pass

Upper Coffee Pot - Henry's Fork of the Snake River

One of our newly discovered places to play - Cave Falls

Big Springs near Johnny Sack's Cabin

Upper Mesa Falls

Oh yeah, and there is this other place close by called Yellowstone Nat'l Park.
Maybe you've heard of it? ;o)

Miracles, Lefty and Bingo Was His Name-o

2009-01-23T16:03:00.008-07:00

Having any of the grand kids come to play at Grandpa and Nana's house is always lots of fun. We play with the toys, read books and even go to the store so we can spoil them just a little bit. (What kind of grandparents would we be if we didn't spoil them?!) It seems we never get to spend enough time with our grandchildren. Their parents lives are so busy that I'm afraid we're kind of an after thought some times. But that's ok - we understand - and try to just love them a whole lot when we're with them.

Last weekend Ryken (nearly 4) and Alex (nearly 3) came to play. Ryken is speaking in complete sentences now and kept us laughing with his little observations on life. Alex is not too far behind in talking, saying two or three words together in an almost sentence. We played with the blocks and cars and for some reason Ryken latched on to the stuffed kitty we have at our house. Kitty - whom he named "Grandpa" - had to watch him play, eat, read and even take pictures with him. Grandpa Kitty had to go to the restaurant with us and then to Walmart to take a ride on the check out conveyor belt! What fun! (No worries - Nana got hers when Ryken named his new dinosaur "Nana"!) Ryken's favorite song right now is "Old MacDonald had a dog and Bingo was his name-o!" With little brother Alex echoing "name-o" at the end of every phrase. They entertained all the shoppers in Walmart with their singing.

Of course the very best part of being a grandparent is when you get to snuggle and cuddle with your grandchildren. There is nothing sweeter than when one of them crawls up on your lap to have a book read or who wants to share a toy with you. Or sweeter still is in the middle of their playing they stop and Ryken says, "Nana? I love you!" and Alex echos with "love youuuuuu!" Yep - there is nothing more wonderful than grandchildren!

Some of you will remember, and for those of you who don't, I'll tell you about Alex and why he is our miracle child. Nearly two years ago, just after his 1st birthday, his babysitter critically injured him resulting in a massive brain injury. He was not expected to live. The right side of his brain is "dead" and at the time the doctors worried that he'd never walk again, let alone talk. Adults would have been left a vegetable if in the same condition. Alex's left side was paralyzed and he has no peripheral vision in his left eye. Through the prayers, blessings and excellent care of physicians and therapists, Alex is still with us and thriving. He walks and therapists have helped him to get his left leg to work. His left arm, "Leftie" as it is called, is still pretty stiff but has loosened up a lot. In fact, while he was here he fell asleep and in his sleep was moving his left arm around. Ryken got the giggles and said, "Look at Leftie! Its moving!" Alex can talk and sing, dance and play and the doctors have no answers for how well he is doing. He is a miracle, one for which we are extremely grateful! The babysitter has since been sentenced and is serving time at the state prison. But we don't dwell on that too much. We dwell on the positive things, like Alex being alive and functioning. His ever watchful big brother laughs with him, protects him and lets him sing, "name-o" along with him.

Motherhood and Birds

2009-01-15T23:48:00.004-07:00

I found this poem I must have written when the children were small and I probably was feeling frustrated. I chuckle now, but, the last line also gives me cause to weep just a bit as I wish those days hadn't flown by so fast.

Birds

I've decided motherhood is for the birds
For they seem to know more than I
As she pushes her chicks out from the nest
Mama Bird knows her babies will fly

I teach, I guide these children of mine
To prepare them for the world
Yet, when I push them toward the edge
Their wings stay tightly furled

And if, by some chance, they choose to fall
And I catch them just in time
They rant and rave and sulk and pout
The fault, of course, is mine

If I were a Mama Robin
My task certainly would easier be
To bring worms and bugs to my little ones
Then it is now just being me

I Am More Than This Disease

2009-01-13T17:42:00.002-07:00

I've posted this before, but lets just say I needed to post an affirmation and I really like this one. One of the ladies on my Cushings website wrote it. Maybe it will benefit one of you, too.

I am stronger than I thought
I am a lot less shallow than I thought
I am more than this disease and more than my body
I know the difference between not wanting to and not being able to
Sometimes sitting on the sofa doing nothing is the best I can do
I have amazing friends and a family that cares
I have a great support system from my blog and from the Cushings Help and Support website
People will surprise you by how giving they can be and . . .
how thoughtless they can be at the same time
I still have hope, optimism and faith
I don't know how to give up
I can still laugh hard even if it isn't as often
I know what it means to be patient
I know what it means to fight
I know it will get better
My future is limitless because if I can get through this, there is nothing I can't do once I am better!

Two-Year Old's and Changes

2009-01-10T11:43:00.009-07:00

I have been Missing In Action on this site and others for a few weeks. For those who've written to me wondering where I've been - thank you for missing me, I appreciate your concern. I'm fine. I've just been, in Cushie ( a nickname for Cushings Disease Sufferers) language, "in a low". This means the cortisol that has been abnormally high and flooding my body (also known in cyclic Cushing's as a "high") has dropped off dramatically. This causes me to crash physically and emotionally. Not fun. I think the best description I've heard is that it feels like having the flu over an extended period of time. Sometimes my lows are brief lasting a few days only. This one has been longer. I imagine all the shopping and preparations for Christmas and our family Christmas party didn't help matters, but it sure was worth it. I'm still not feeling the greatest but have enough energy to write. Some of the things I hate the most about Cushings Disease are the feelings of apathy and social isolation. By nature, I am a people person. I love to interact with family and friends. This disease has stolen that love from me, among other things I used to enjoy doing. Even writing this blog. I struggled for a week to finally have the desire to put into words what you are reading now. I hope if and when I am cured I can get those things back. For the most part I have become a hermit except for those days when I am in a "high". I am not one to complain but I do miss out on a lot of life due to this illness.

One of the things I missed out on was our sweet Isabelle's 2nd birthday party. I was in a low that day and had to spend several hours at the disability attorney's office preparing for an upcoming disability hearing. That totally wiped me out and Steve was concerned about me. I came home exhausted and we had to call and let James and Maggie know we wouldn't make it over for the party. I was so disappointed and felt so bad. I haven't really been out since other than to go to dinner or to run a brief errand or to a doctor's appointment. Lots of things have changed in the two years since Isabelle was born.
This is a photo of me holding Isabelle on the day she was born. What a difference! See how tiny she is? I was still working at the Humanitarian Center and was just beginning to get sick, although I didn't know it then. Isabelle was small, cuddly and sweet and just beginning her new life on earth! We were all so happy to welcome her into this world and so grateful for the happiness she brought to everyone.

Here is beautiful Isabelle now. I "stole" this photo from Maggie's blog. She is still sweet and cute and makes everyone happy. You can't help but smile when you are with Isabelle! We love her to pieces. Happy Birthday, belatedly, sweet two-year old Isabelle!

Here are some recent photos of me. I've changed a lot too. Not in a cute way, like Isabelle. I usually don't let the kids take my picture. I am too embarassed by how I look now days. But, I am trying to work on acceptance of how things are . . . and sadly . . . these photos are part of that acceptance. Can you see the difference? In two years time. Not only have I changed inside, but outside as well. I miss the old me. Inside and out. My family misses the old me, too. They are so wonderful and supportive yet . . .I know they must feel the same sorrow I do, wishing things were different. So we hope and pray and just keep living day to day.

My current doctor wants me to keep testing . . testing. .. testing. It is very difficult to catch levels of high cortisol, which is what is needed for an absolute diagnosis. I've been testing for nearly a year now. In the meantime I've developed high cholesterol, sleep apnea, acid reflux, early type 2 diabetes, and the list goes on and on. All of these are the result of an out of control endocrine system caused by the Cushing's. We are considering going to a new endocrinologist in LA that specialized in Cushing's Disease. Its an expense we can't afford but I keep changing so much that I don't know how much longer we can not do something more aggressive towards this disease.

For more information on Cushing's Disease follow any of the links in my blog or go to:
Cushings Help and Support

The Best Part of Christmas: Family!

2008-12-26T15:56:00.003-07:00

And then there is this: Pure Joy!

Christmas Remembrance

2008-12-21T17:11:00.005-07:00

Carrie mentioned in one of the comments she left that I write poetry and wondered if I had a Christmas poem in my archives. Turns out I do. I wrote this one last Christmas. I'll have to do some digging to see if I have any others I can add before Christmas.

Christmas Remembrance

A single star lit the way to guide the Wisemen there
A single song rang through the skies as shepherds watched with care.
A single stable housed the mother and its shelter gave
A single manger held the babe who our lives would save.
A single day comes each year to honor the Christ child, so dear
A single thought towards the baby sweet,
did you remember Him this year?

A Christmas Poem

2008-12-17T07:39:00.008-07:00

There are lots of different things I enjoy - history, bagpipes, car shows, and Cowboy Poetry. At Christmas time especially I love the words and homespun phrases in these poems. So I've selected a poem to share today in honor of the season.Bring ‘Er Home
by Paul Kern

Along about December,
On a western mountain slope,
When the snow is deep an’ crusted,
An’ yer head is full of hope.

When each breath crystallizes,
An’ clings a moment to the air,
Then falls upon yer horse’s mane,
An’ hangs - jest like a curtain there.

Night breezes shuffle southward,
The sky is clear and cold,
Ya’ pick a star an’ tell yerself,
An old story you were told.

Of a baby in a lowly barn,
Well – I reckon jest a shed,
For unto you is born this day. . .
Those words dangle in yer head.

An’ live jest like an evergreen,
On that frigid mountain slope.
So ya’ cut a pine that’ll do ya’,
An’ dally tie it with yer rope.

The sun will soon start climbin’,
The mornin’ star has jest blinked out,
That tree yer draggin’ on yer horse,
Recalls what He’s about.

It’s jest a little evergreen,
To spread some Christmas cheer,
So bring ‘er home to remember Him,
As we celebrate this year!

(More of Paul Kern's poetry at: http://paulkern.blogspot.com/)

What's YOUR Favorite Christmas Decoration?

2008-12-10T11:47:00.017-07:00

Carrie tagged me on her blog and it was a fun tag - so here goes! She wrote: "Here's what you are supposed to do, Take a picture of your favorite Christmas decoration and then tell why. It could be that big Nativity in your yard or just a single beautiful ornament. Whatever it is, I want to hear about it :) Include any fun traditions or anything else that you want. Don't forget to tag your friends."

Let me begin my stating that my husband is Mr. Christmas. As soon as Thanksgiving is over he starts by putting up the Christmas lights outside, decorating inside, and then . . . the Village. This is a village to defy all other villages! It takes him at least a week to get it set up and operating the way he wants.Our Grandson, Ryken, ahhhing over the Village last year.

He also has a collection of Kringle Claus figures AND a collection of authentic Christmas Nutcrackers. As I said . . . he is Mr. Christmas!

I, on the other hand, am more of a simple nature when it comes to Christmas. My favorite ornaments are very sentimental. Such as this paper ornament that James made when he was in Primary Nursery circa. 1983. Yes, I still hang it on the tree.

And this little cutie, that Bethany made in 2nd grade. The glitter is starting to fall free, but it still is a precious ornament.

And these little beauties that were made at Primary to decorate the Ward Christmas Tree in 1996. Holly would have been 9 and Kaitlyn 6. Lets face it, designer Christmas trees don't adorn my home. I am first and foremost a Mom and of course I'd keep these ornaments around to hang every year!

I love traditional Christmas decorations and luckily, so does Steve. We have a very traditional tree with colored lights and ornaments. A family tradition I brought to our marriage was the addition of a Year Ornament. Over the years I've added and ornament one by one since the kids were small. Now there are nearly enough to fill a small tree. We love looking back at the years on the ornaments and recalling the memories of those years.

Another tradition we have started with this little glass bird. He was my special ornament when I was little and the one ornament I could hang anywhere on the tree that I wanted. He's pretty old now and a bit tattered looking, but he is mine and usually sits as close to the top of the tree as I can get him. When my children were born, my mom continued this tradition by buying them their own special Christmas ornament for their first Christmas. They have looked forward each Christmas to hanging their own special ornament. As James and now Bethany have married and moved into their own homes, their special ornaments have gone with them. Perhaps that will be a tradition they carry on in their own homes with their children.I have a few collections of my own. I love snowmen! Maybe it's their cheery faces or their perseverance to hang on until the very end or maybe its just a happy reminder of my childhood, but I love them. Over the past few years I've begun to collect a varied assortment of them - above are just a few.

My other collection is Nativities. I love them as well. They help to ground me and remind me what Christmas is truly about. I have several small ones and some different types, like one Holly gave me a few years ago that is an Igloo Nativity with a Snowman Holy Family, Angel and Wisemen. Its adorable. I also have a beautiful Willow Tree Nativity which Steve and the girls got me a few Christmas' back. I am still trying to afford the creche but even without it, its a lovely set.

Of all the traditions, I think the one I love the most is the one that was started many, many years ago in my dad's home when he was a boy. His father worked on the railroad and always had to work on Christmas Day, so their family always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. When he and my mom married, they continued part of that tradition. Each Christmas Eve, all of the children and grandchildren of my grandparents would gather at their home and have a light meal or a dessert and then exchange family gifts. Later on, when we moved away from Idaho where most of the family was, we continued a part of the tradition as a way of keeping those memories alive, by opening one gift on Christmas Eve. Later in my own home, we added the reading of the Christmas Story from the Bible and Book of Mormon and then we'd open one gift on Christmas Eve. Traditions are so important in keeping family memories and celebrating heritage, I suppose that's why I love this one so much.

Now its my turn! I Tag: Maggie, Janine, Krista, Christine and anyone else who'd like to share their Christmas decorations and traditions. After all . . . "its the most wonderful time of the year!"

Happy 2nd Birthday !

2008-11-30T14:02:00.006-07:00

Two years ago today our then 19 year-old daughter, Holly, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She was unmarried and the father of the baby wanted no part of her or the baby so Holly made the best decision she could for her life and the life of this little boy - she placed him for adoption. It is certainly no secret and something none of us are ashamed of. In fact, as a mother, I have never been more proud of her and this unselfish and difficult choice. Holly spent days and many hours pouring over profiles of prospective parents, praying and having faith that she'd find just the right couple. When she finally chose them, there was no doubt in her mind that this couple were the right parents for her baby. She never waivered for a moment in her decision. She wanted her little boy to have both a mom and a dad, who would love him and give him the life that she couldn't. She wanted her baby to grow up in a home where he would learn about Jesus and a kind and loving Heavenly Father; a home where he could be part of a forever family. She also wanted the adoption to be open so she could watch him grow up and be part of his life from a distance. Luckily, the parents she chose would live up to her every hope for this baby boy.The baby was two days past his due date and Holly was extremely uncomfortable. She went through and exceedingly long and difficult labor and when he was finally born, she tore so badly that the doctor spent a half hour repairing the damage caused by his birth. Holly got to spend three full days in the hospital with her baby boy. The nurses were especially kind to her and made plaster casts of his little hands that they gave her to take home. When the time finally came, she spent the last afternoon alone with him, I'm sure sharing all the love and feelings that were in her heart with this precious child, hoping that somehow he would always feel of her love and hopes and dreams for him.
The immediate family came and we all held and loved him, kissed his little hands and cheeks and told him of our love for him. The adoptive parents arrived and soon it was time to say goodbye, they with the baby driving off to their new life and Holly with us driving home with empty arms. I have to say she was very brave and strong through all of this, until we got home. After walking through the front door she fell apart, crying as if her heart would break, and asking me if the hurt would ever go away. I held her and told her time would make it easier. We had several episodes like this during the next few weeks and, indeed, as time when by, it became easier and missing him became less difficult. She says what helped her the most was knowing she had done the right thing and had chosen the right parents for the baby.

I, too, am an adopted child. I have met my birthmother and her words had a similar if different ring to them. My adoption was closed and my birthmother knew nothing of what had happened to me until I found her when I was 42 yrs. old. However, she gave me up as a baby because she believed it was the right thing to do, to give me a life that she knew she couldn't provide and to give me both a loving mom and a dad.

In a world where selfishness abounds it is truly rare to find a love so unconditional as those I've just written about. Holly at 19 was certainly more wise than many her age. Her unconditional love allowed her to place the child she bore into the arms of a woman and man who for years had longed for a baby, but could not have their own. She entrusted them with all the love, hopes and dreams for this child and laid aside her own heartache to do so. My birthmother, at age 20, also gave unconditionally, and gave me a home with loving parents. Their choices are not right for everyone. But, oh what a world we would live in if everyone could be this unselfish.

Holly's baby boy is 2 today! We watch him grow from afar, see his happiness and how loved he is. We know, like Holly, that she made the right choice. We love him every bit as much as if he were in our lives and count him as one of our grandchildren. People have asked if that doesn't make it more difficult for Holly or for us, to know where he is and not have him in our lives. We answer with conviction and honesty that it has been a blessing to us. A blessing in learning that family and love is not limited to those we call relatives, but that there is an eternal bond that you just can't explain, that encompasses all and makes family of us all.Happy Birthday, Baby Boy! We love you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T18:07:00.002-07:00

I Did It !

2008-11-18T14:46:00.005-07:00

I am tooting my own horn today. After a 28 year lapse . . . well, not really a lapse, I raised four kids during that time. So let me start over, 28 years after graduation from Ricks College with an Associates Degree, I completed my Bachelor of Arts in Educational Studies. Yeah me!

Two and a half years ago, thanks to the encouragement of my dear husband and to an incredible school called Western Governors University, I enrolled with high hopes and a bit of fear. I wasn't sure my brain could still function after all that time out of school - hence the fear! However, I started the program and found out that my brain had not stopped working after all. I graduated from the Teachers College in Education Studies which is Elementary Education without doing the student teaching. (Basically, finishing up where I started 28 years ago but decided I didn't want to teach elementary school. I've worked in healthcare for 20 plus years . . . so decided to continue there....but read on . . .)

Western Governors University is an online, fully accredited university. In their words:

Western Governors University is a non-profit online university
offering you a convenient, flexible online education. WGU
is the only accredited university in the U.S. offering
competency-based, online degrees. Founded by the
governors of 19 western states, WGU delivers to its students
an outstanding quality education under the guidance of
dedicated mentors.

One of the things I love about WGU is that they give you credit for what you've accomplished, not only in previous school experience, but in life experience as well. Through a series of assessments and interviews regarding your life and work experience they determine what credits (competencies) can be given. The other thing I love is that I could do this on my own time without ever having to leave home. They provide a mentor who works with you and all the resources you could possibly need. The best part? The tuition is easily a third of what it is in other universities. I love to spread the news about WGU because of the wonderful experience I've had with them. In last Friday's Time magazine they were featured in an article. ( Go Western, Young Man ) I can't say enough good about WGU - in fact I enjoyed my experience so much that I have started the coursework for a Master in Healthcare Education program with them. Who would have ever guessed that I could go for a Master's Degree?

If you've put off completeing an education - take a look at their programs. Not only will it give you a wonderful sense of accomplishment, increase your wage earning ability and give you a nifty diploma to hang on your wall . . . but it will also remind you that you, like me, can do anything you set your mind to.

Click here for more information Western Governors University. (And if you decide to enroll, list me as a reference and you get the $65 application fee waived and I get an Amazon gift card. Good deal!! Click here: Refer A Friend)

This is Adorable

2008-11-17T17:36:00.003-07:00

This is so cute! It's a Puppy Cam and if you ever need something to brighten up your day - take a peek!

Puppy Cam

Limitations or Opportunities?

2008-11-12T11:51:00.007-07:00

Accepting our personal limitations is never easy. Today was a good day. I got up and felt good enough to start dinner in the crock-pot (a rare event for me). I even made up some tuna fish for Steve and Kaitlyn's lunches. I cleaned up the kitchen and decided today was the day to tackle our bathroom - which is disgustingly dirty. (trust me on that one!) I started on the tub when it hit me, my legs began to wobble and my back began to hurt. I crouched over to finish scrubbing the tub and did the best I could considering that my arms were too weak to scrub. I finished cleaning the tub and the toilet then gave up. I laid on my bed, weak, shaking, out of breath and crying. I only gave into the crying for a few minutes - self pity never gets you anywhere except that it does make you feel better for a few minutes. It hit me again that I had to learn to accept the limitations imposed on me by this stupid disease. Its one thing when you make choices and then have to abide by the limitations of those choices, but this is totally different in that I have no say, and that can be very frustrating. Who knew cleaning the bathroom would be the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest to me? But that is exactly how it feels.

Years ago, when I first got divorced my ex-husband and my parents said I would never make it. I was "too weak" and "needed someone to take care of me". They said I'd be asking to be taken back within six months time. I guess neither my ex nor my parents really knew me very well. It was a struggle, I won't say it wasn't, but I am not a quitter. I knew I had made the right decision in ending an abusive marriage. I was able to continue raising our four children, hold down a full time highly responsible job, and succeed in making ends meet. I don't believe in the words, "I can't." But, sadly for me, I am having to accept those words in certain areas of my life. My sweet husband says, "This is only temporary." I pray he's right. I pray I get a cure and can one again be productive, even if it is only to clean the bathroom!

When I was in counseling after the divorce my counselor told me several times, "Christina, you're are the strongest person I've ever met. You have adversity and troubles hit you full on, but there is something in you that keeps you from giving up. You get up, dust yourself off and try again." I told her jokingly that perhaps it wasn't strength as much as stupidity. I've never been one to moan and wring my hands over "trials and tribulations". In fact I don't believe in trials, per se. I believe any such trials are only opportunities for growth. Whatever it is that keeps me from giving up, I am grateful for. Whatever inner strength I have was given to me by a loving God, is reinforced by the love and support of my Elder Brother, Jesus Christ, and is buoyed up by the love and support of my dear family.

So I can't clean the bathroom. I can still write. Writing has always been my therapy, whether in poetry or in just writing out my thoughts. Therefore, until my brain goes and I can't think anymore, or my hands go and I can't type anymore, I can and will write. I am not a quitter and these things are only temporary. I will have patience and I will persevere. Limitations are really only a different type of opportunity and I guess it's up to me to discover where this opportunity will lead.

Thanks to the Vets

2008-11-11T20:25:00.006-07:00

I almost let this day pass without saying thank you to all those who have, do, and will serve in keeping our country free. My grandfather Rhoades (my dad's father) served in World War I. He was in the Calvary in France. Every 4th of July he would dress up in his WWI uniform and march in the parade with other WWI vets. My grandfather Blaylock (my mom's father) was a retired Naval Captain. He had a long and honorable Navy career and to this day I still say, "Go Navy!" I come from a proud heritage of service to the United States that goes back to Revolutionary times. So on this day, set aside for the Veterans of all U.S. wars, I say "Thank You! God bless you and God Bless America!"

Politicians on Parade

2008-11-11T14:38:00.014-07:00

Ok, I either have a very sick sense of humor or I don't get out much. (I'm thinking its a bit of both!) I saw these on another website and thought they were hilarious. Forgive me if you've seen them before, but after all the drama with the elections, etc.....I figured a little humor wouldn't hurt.

Sick and wrong does come to mind, however, can you figure out who these women of politics are?

Oh yes, there's more! If these weren't enough to gag you ....you can see them all at:
Politicians in Drag

The "Twilight" Illusion

2008-11-10T11:14:00.006-07:00

I read in the paper that one of the local movie theaters is having a "Twilight" Ball to celebrate the opening of the movie "Twilight". For those of you who've been in a dark closet for the past few years, the "Twilight" series is a popular series of books written for teenage girls about a vampire and the all-but-forbidden love of his life. I won't go into too many details as others have written more eloquently about the books. Due to the all the hype I read the first book, "Twilight". I thought perhaps there was something to it since so may people read and loved the books. I could barely make it through the first few chapters...it dragged and I keep searching and hoping for some semblance of a plot worth reading. It never came. Not for me anyway. I finished the book completely disappointed. Fearing that perhaps my perspective was askew, I asked Kaitlyn, my then 17 year-old, to tell me her opinion after she read the book. I didn't mention any of my thoughts to her as I wanted her opinion to be unbiased. When she finished, we discussed the book and surprisingly we both agreed that the book was a lot of "fluff" without much substance and neither of us understood why all the hoopla. We have since found that our opinion isn't very popular. However, I am breaking my silence because I do have an opinion and because I found that there are others out there that agree with Kaitlyn and me. Please forgive me if I believe women can aspire to more than hero worshiping a potential mate who solves all of her problems for her. Romance is great. Edward is romantic, I'll give him that. However, he is very unrealistic. I have a very romantic husband, even though he is not a vampire seduced by my irresistible scent. He loves me for my wit, intellect, beauty and everything I am. He loves my independence as well as my dependence. We work through life together facing challenges and working on solutions as a couple. Sometimes he is my strength, other times I am his. He is not an Edward, in my eyes he is the better man Edward could never be. As a parent, and now a grandparent, I want my daughters and grand-daughters to enjoy fantasy and fairy tales, but I also want them to grow up making their own dreams come true, realizing that their success or happiness is not dependent upon another person. Another person can stand beside us and add to our happiness, but they cannot be responsible for our happiness. But enough about my life...back to the books. I found this article with spoke some of the thoughts I've had very well and humorously. I've pasted part of the article below: (Read the full article here)

Does 'Twilight' Suck the Brains Out of Teens?

By Martha Brockenbrough

My 13-year-old cousin warned me: "The amounts of pain that can be inflicted on those who insult Edward are better left unspoken."

I'm going to brave that pain and say it anyway: Edward is a complete prig.

It's not just that he sneaks into Bella's room to watch her sleep -- that's more stalker than prissy, anyway. It's also not just that he drives a Volvo, the car of choice for priggish drivers who obsess about side airbag safety.

Nor is it that his skin sparkles like gems in the sunlight. However gag-worthy this might be, he can't help it if he has pores that Madonna, Nicole Kidman and other alabaster celebrities would envy.

For me, the last straw really is that he is more obsessed about wedding planning than any groom should be. That makes him a terrible role model for teen girls, who will grow up to face real-life mates who don't know the difference between cummerbunds and canapés, and who will also make rude faces when asked for an opinion on either.

Seriously, though, there's a dark side to priggishness, and that's condescension. Bella and Edward aren't equals. Edward knows it -- he's stronger, his senses are sharper and he's nearly immortal. He constantly has to protect Bella. He even leaves her temporarily to do just that. Bella, meanwhile, settles for a lesser college so she can be with her boyfriend. Augh!

So what does that tell our teen girls to crave? A relationship with someone they worship, rather than someone they can work with through the various challenges of life?

However much I enjoyed the books -- and I read every one, twice -- that's my fundamental concern with them as a parent. Bella constantly needs rescuing and protection. Her vulnerability fuels her desirability, for it's not just a vampire who wants her. A werewolf does, too.

This is where it's worth making a comparison to "Harry Potter." Harry solved his own problems. When he needed rescuing, his friends -- who had complementary talents and courage-quotients -- came to his aid.

Bella doesn't really have friends, at least not among her peers. She hangs out with werewolves and vampires, any one of whom could eat (or drink) her for lunch.

She's as far from being a kick-ass heroine as she can get. She's clumsy and weak. Yes, she has her attractions. She's a devoted daughter who never complains about all the cooking she has to do for her hapless dad.

But girls would be much better off following in Hermione's footsteps. Now there was a girl who could cast a spell, throw a punch, and catch the eye of an international Quidditch star (only to lose interest because he wasn't intellectual enough).

I'm not arguing that every book needs to be the equivalent of a plate of nourishing, raw spinach. I like a cream puff as much as the next person, and possibly even more. We just need to make sure our daughters aren't thinking cream puffs are the best life has to offer. They're the stars of their own life story, and waiting for a handsome guy to bite their necks sounds to me like a tragedy in the making.

ADDITIONAL LINKS for opinions similar to mine:

thank-you-martha-brockenbrough

The Poison Apple

The Anti-Twilight Lexicon

A Time to Give Thanks

2008-11-06T19:22:00.006-07:00

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. When I was little we would drive from Idaho Falls to North Ogden to spend Thanksgiving with my grandparents and aunt. We would sing "Over the River and Through the Woods" in the car as we drove along. Perhaps that has something to do with the good memories of Thanksgiving I have. My grandma and aunt were excellent cooks. That could be it, too, no one could make rolls like my aunt.
In school we would make Pilgrim hats and paper turkeys. I remember acting out the Thanksgiving story, each of us wearing our little paper hats. The boys always wanted to be the Indians in the story. I think it was because they liked that they got to wear feathered (albeit paper feathers) headdresses. We learned about John Smith and Pocahontas and the Pilgrims of Jamestown.

When my own children were growing up we either had our own Thanksgiving and invited my Aunt over, or we went to her house. On rare occasions if the weather was good we would travel to California to spend Thanksgiving with my parents. Thanksgiving was always about making memories . . .Now days it seems society goes straight from Halloween to Christmas with only a brief nod to Thanksgiving. Retailers want to get a head start on Christmas advertising to entice shoppers to begin shopping. I think if they were to re-write the calendar, they'd leave Thanksgiving off completely.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. For me, it's about family and gathering together, thanking Heavenly Father as a family for His goodness to us, laughing, sharing memories and making new ones. The meal is just a delicious excuse to get together. As this Thanksgiving season starts I am reminded of all the wonderful memories of past holidays. Without family, what do we have? Without God, who are we?

Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home;
All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin.
God our Maker doth provide for our wants to be supplied;
Come to God's own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home.

All the world is God's own field, fruit unto His praise to yield;
Wheat and tares together sown unto joy or sorrow grown.
First the blade and then the ear, then the full corn shall appear;
Lord of harvest, grant that we wholesome grain and pure may be.

For the Lord our God shall come, and shall take His harvest home;
From His field shall in that day all offenses purge away,
Giving angels charge at last in the fire the tares to cast;
But the fruitful ears to store in His garner evermore.

Even so, Lord, quickly come, bring Thy final harvest home;
Gather Thou Thy people in, free from sorrow, free from sin,
There, forever purified, in Thy garner to abide;
Come, with all Thine angels come, raise the glorious harvest home.

My High and Low Cushie Life

2008-11-04T12:07:00.004-07:00

On several occasions I've been asked what it is like to have Cushing's disease, what the symptoms are, how I feel, etc. It is very difficult to put those things down in written word but I will try because I hope to make others understand this horrible disease and the effects and why it is so important to get the word out. I believe there are more people out there suffering with this illness who don't know it.

I don't know exactly when I began to have problems. Symptoms have popped up now and then over the years, but I didn't know of their correlation to Cushing's. In the fall of 2006 I had unexplained weight gain of 40 lbs. no matter what I did, I couldn't lose the weight. I thought maybe it was just old age. In February of 2007, Steve and I took a trip for our anniversary to San Antonio. We had both wanted to visit the Riverwalk and go to The Alamo, so we were very excited for this trip. Once there, I began to have cold like symptoms. I thought at first they were just allergies, but my allergy meds didn't have any effect so I then figured I must be getting a cold. The odd thing was the extreme sleepiness. I could barely keep my eyes open. I remember driving from San Antonio to Austin and pretty much sleeping the whole way, barely able to carry on any conversation with Steve. When we got to Austin I was able to get out and walk around, but I was so exhausted. The rest of the trip is somewhat of a blurr, because of not feeling well and being so tired. When we got home, I never really got back on top of things but was able to function so didn't think much more about it. Then, in April, Steve took a group of high school kids to New York and I went along. After we got to New York my ankles and hands swelled up so much that I had to go buy a new pair of shoes just so my feet would fit into something as the shoes I brought didn't fit. I thought it was from all the walking we did, but the swelling didn't go down. My ankles looked nearly three times their normal size! When we got home I went to the doctor and they said it was just from traveling then told me that my blood pressure was a bit elevated. I've always had low blood pressure so that was a bit of surprise. I went to the doctor several times after that and each time they told me my blood pressure was high. One day in May I couldn't get out of bed. Literally. I was so tired I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow. This went on for several days so I went to the doctor who told me my thyroid was pretty much "dead" and he started me on thyroid medication. I thought the medication would fix the problem and I'd soon be well. Nice thought. Didn't happen. I continued with fatigue, weight gain, memory and concentration problems, and exhaustion. By the fall of 2007 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism, an auto-immune disorder. My doctor assured me that if I just kept taking my Synthroid, eventually I would feel better. One day while reading posts on a thyroid support site, I found a video from Discovery Health's Mystery Diagnosis. The woman had Cushing's Disease. I watched that segment, listened the symptoms, and saw the photos and thought, "That's me. I look and feel just like she did!" I began researching Cushing's Disease and was led to a wonderful Cushing's Support website. This began my journey to diagnosis.

Cushing's, as physician's will tell you, is a very rare disorder. I have come to believe that it is not rare, just rarely diagnosed. It is very difficult firstly, to get a doctor to even begin testing. Most do not believe a person has Cushing's because of its rarity. They tell you just to stop eating and exercise. Ha. I wish it were that easy. When I first started gaining weight I would do the treadmill for a half hour and Tai Chi for a half hour every day. I never lost a pound and eventually the exercise just made me feel worse. The first physician to truly listen to me was Dr. William Ludlam in Seattle who is a specialist in Cushing's Disease. I spent a week there testing, and while the testing was inconclusive, Dr. Ludlam felt strongly that I was Cyclical Cushings. (You can read more about Cyclical Cushings in my sidebar). I have been testing ever since. I am now seeing Dr. Wahlen in Ogden, he is closer and when I have surgery, I want it to be close to home. My cycles don't seem to have a set pattern. But I will list what I feel during a High and during a Low. The lows are the worst.

Highs - increased energy, water retention in hands and ankles, increase in blood sugar, increase in blood pressure, weight gain, insomnia, acid reflux worsens, feel warm all the time, increased appetite. These are the days I can actually get some things done, like laundry and dishes.

Lows- headache, dizziness, extreme fatigue, depression, social isolation, memory & concentration problems, have a hard time finding words, muscle and joint pain, weight loss, loss of appetite, shortness of breath, IBS symptoms. These are the days that sometimes I can't even get dressed or make it off the couch. I hate these days.

Physical Features - Round (moon shaped) face, fat around face and neck, "buffalo hump", straie (darkens to purplish color during a high), easy brusing that takes forever to go away, weight gain mainly in tummy area

I know I've missed a lot of the other little symptoms but these are the main ones. I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. I remember the responsibilities I used to be able to handle and now only hope to accomplish one or two things a day. I am lucky to have a very understanding and supportive husband. Many Cushies don't. Marriages have broken up and families have accused the Cushie of just being lazy. Its really sad and I am especially grateful for Steve, Kaitlyn and Holly who help me through the "Lows" by being supportive, helpful, understanding and loving in taking care of me. Steve helps me find my words when I can't find them, Kaitlyn gives me hugs and empathizes when I am still on the couch when she gets home from school, they all tell me I am still beautiful when all I see in the mirror is a blob, and they all help out around the house doing the things I used to be able to do without any effort. I hope to have an official diagnosis soon, because then I can have surgery to remove the offending little tumor that causes so much havoc with my endocrine system and thus my body. Maybe then I can have my life back and be the 'me' I used to be.

For more information, ask me! Or follow the links in my Cushing's section of the blog.

Halloween Cuties

2008-10-31T21:40:00.009-06:00

These are the real reason I love Halloween!

Harley Dude Alex and Thomas the Tank Engine Ryken

Pirate Dylan

and

Pirate Madelyn

We waited and waited for our little Isabelle to come visit but I guess maybe the Great Pumpkin carried her away . . . or she was too tired to come trick-or-treating to Grandpa and Nana's so I will put her cute costume from last year.
Isabelle Bee

What better reason to have Halloween than the cutest little characters ever?

Happy Halloween!!

It's Halloween!

2008-10-31T14:17:00.012-06:00

Halloween hasn't always been one of my favorite holidays. I liked it well enough, but Thanksgiving was my favorite - still is. However, I re-discovered my love for Halloween when I worked at Logan Regional Hospital in the Education Center. There was a very good witch, with whom I worked, named Marsha. Marsha LOVES Halloween.

It is her holiday and you couldn't help but catch the Halloween bug when working with Marsha. Halloween, is also another co-worker, Helen's birthday. Cause for double celebration and fun! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HELEN!!

(I realize there is a Christmas tree behind them but I couldn't find any more Halloween photos....sorry)

Each year we'd decorate the Medical Library and dress up - we even won best costumes one year! That was the year that three of us dressed up as the Sanderson Sisters from Hocus Pocus. Helen was Winny, Marsha was Mary and I was the blonde wigged and slightly blonde-witted (sorry to the blondes out there) Sarah ... "Amok! Amok! Amok!" We had a lot of fun with that one! I wish I had a picture of the three of us . . . maybe I don't. I remember that horrible blonde wig and I do not look good as a blonde!

Holly and Bethany even got into the act one year. Holly was a witch and Bethany was Dr. Barbie . . . silly girls! (Sorry these photos aren't better - they were from my cell phone). Anyway, back to Marsha . . . she was the Queen Witch and I mean that in only the best way! I would always shop Halloween decorations and try to find the best Witch item I could to surprise her with.

She and Helen made Halloween soooo fun. We had a party all day . . .amid our working. The Day Care would bring the kids over to "Trick or Treat" and employees would stop in to see how we had decorated, have their future told (all in good fun) see which Halloween flick we had playing, and enjoy the treats and goodies we had set out. My last year there we were gypsies and Helen's daughter Ashlie read Tarot Cards. Even the hospital administrator came down and had his cards read!
I certainly do miss those ladies and the fun we had. They are some of the best friends I've ever had. I understand the new Education manager isn't the fun loving kind and hence there are no more Halloween decorations or parties. Bah Humbug! I think I shall be Sarah Sanderson again and turn her into a cat!

Twist the bones And bend the back Itch-It-A-Cop-It-A Mel-A-Ka-Mys-Ti-Ca Trim her Of her baby fat Itch-It-A-Cop-It-A Mel-A-Ka-Mys-Ti-Ca Give her fur Black as black Just... Like... This!

I think I shall name my cat CINDY.

Marsha and Helen: This one is for you. I miss you!

A Political Moment

2008-10-30T10:50:00.006-06:00

This came in my email today (Thanks, Janine!)and its something Steve and I have talked about so I thought I'd post it here. Interestingly enough, I married a Democrat, however, he seems to be one of the few not fooled by the rhetoric Obama and his followers like to toss out there. Steve and I have discussed politics a lot this campaign and we can't believe how uniformed people are when it comes to the candidates, their policies, and just how our government works. So, I am posting this as a reminder to those who have done their homework or as an information to those who haven't!

TO ALL MY FRIENDS...

LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE...
FYI Only!

George Bush has been in office for 7 1/2 years. The first six the economy was fine. A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%
4) The DOW JONES hit a record high--14,000 +
5) American's were buying new cars, taking cruises, vacations overseas, living large!

But American's wanted 'CHANGE'! So, in 2006 they voted in a Democratic Congress and yes--we got 'CHANGE' all right. In the PAST YEAR:
1) Consumer confidence has plummeted
2) Gasoline is now over $4 a gallon and climbing!
3) Unemployment is up to 5.5% (a 10% increase)
4) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $12 TRILLION DOLLARS and prices are still dropping
5) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure
6) as I write, THE DOW is probing another low

$2.5 TRILLION DOLLARS HAS EVAPORATED FROM THEIR STOCKS,
BONDS & MUTUAL FUNDS INVESTMENT PORTFOLIOS!

YES, IN 2006 AMERICA VOTED FOR CHANGE...AND WE SURE GOT IT!

REMEMBER THE PRESIDENT HAS NO CONTROL OVER ANY OF THESE ISSUES,
ONLY CONGRESS DOES.

AND WHAT HAS CONGRESS DONE IN THE LAST TWO YEARS?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

NOW THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT CLAIMS HE IS GOING TO
REALLY GIVE US CHANGE, AND HE HAS THE BACKING OF A DEMOCRATIC
CONGRESS!

JUST HOW MUCH MORE 'CHANGE' DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND?

Be afraid, very afraid!

Medical Update

2008-10-27T12:35:00.003-06:00

I saw a new endo on Thursday. Dr. Wahlen in Ogden. I knew Dr. Wahlen was a diabetes specialist but I didn't know he also specialized in Cushing's until my family doctor referred me to him. Dr. Wahlen trained under Dr. Lewis Blevins when he was at Vanderbilt so that was encouraging to me as I've been reading many of Dr. Blevin's articles. Dr. Blevins is an expert in the field of Cushing's Syndrome and Disease and has authored a text book on the subject.
Dr. Wahlen did a thorough exam and read all the medical history notes I had brought with me. He spent nearly an hour with Steve and I and was very good in explaining his thoughts and answering our questions.

He was very appreciative of the photos I had brought with me as it helped to convince him of the Cushing like changes in my face and body. He said he was somewhat baffled as although I have many of the physical symptoms, I don't have many of the physical features of Cushing's. (no fragile skin, no rosy cheeks or acne, etc.) Dr. Wahlen has many contacts with other Cushing's specialists that he met during his time at Vanderbilt with whom he is going to talk with regarding my case. He was somewhat encouraging in that he feels that I am 50% likely to have Cyclic Cushing's and that he will pursue a diagnosis through continued testing. He said if he gets to the point where he does not have a clear conclusion of Cushing's he will refer me on to one of his other Cushing's associates because of the overall physical symptoms I am experiencing. I came away encouraged, because he listened, discussed and provided clear answers as well as hope of help. I am to see him again in three weeks.

Fun Times at Juan Diego High

2008-10-22T22:30:00.005-06:00

Steve and Kaitlyn were on TV this morning. Did anyone happen to watch 2News This Morning? They sent Casey out to Juan Diego to talk to the kids (and my hubby) about the musical, "Funny Girl" which starts tomorrow night. While Rachel sang in one spot, Kaitlyn was singing and dancing in the background. In another spot Steve got the spotlight as he told about the musical and gave all the info. I wish I'd known about it sooner so I could have told everyone to watch! (I don't get up that early so we recorded it . . . with Cushing's you sleep when you can!) It was fun to see the kids I know as well as my husband and daughter on TV. That does not happen very often!

Check this Out - Just for Fun!

2008-10-21T11:20:00.002-06:00

Palin for President

Don't Toss It - FreeCycle It!

2008-10-20T20:00:00.005-06:00

Do you have items that you want to get rid of but they are not accepted by Deseret Industries or the Salvation Army? Perhaps, like me, you have a box of bridal shower favors just sitting there collecting dust, or an older Baker's Rack that isn't in the best shape but something that someone could make work with a little elbow grease. I found a really cool website where you can post items for people to take or if you need something, you can also post your needs. The name of this site is Northern Utah Freecycle. According to their webpage: "This group was created to allow people in the Northern Utah area to give away unwanted items. You may list items you would like to give away or items you want." I've been following the postings for several months now. A woman posted that she needed a Baker's Rack that she could fix up to hold a tv set - so I contacted her and she came and got the one that was gathering dust in my garage. Just last Friday I posted that I had a box of bridal shower items and by that evening they were gone to a man whose daughter is getting married in December. See how easy it is? And it keeps those things out of our landfills so its of benefit to our environment. There are items that I know the D.I. can sell, so I donate those but for those other items that I know they won't take and that may otherwise get thrown away, I post on FreeCycle. Take some time and check it out! Northern Utah FreeCycle I know they have FreeCycles in other communities as well, so if you're not in Utah, do a search on FreeCycle.

Another Cushie Has Died

2008-10-14T11:26:00.004-06:00

I hope Mary O. doesn't mind, but I copied her Blog from today and am going to post it here. It is so poignant that I felt it needed to be shared in an effort to bring more awareness to Cushing's and the many diagnosed and undiagnosed victims. The original blog can be found here: Mary O's Cushing's Blog Mary is an angel of woman who has offered help, information and support to many Cushies, both diagnosed and those awaiting diagnosis, through her Cushing's Help and Support Website. Cushing's Help and Support Without her I would still be searching for the answers to what is wrong with me. I have found life saving information, incredibly helpful advice and unwavering support and acceptance thanks to her website.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Drat!

"Another Cushing's patient has died :( Over the years that I've been running the Cushing's sites, we have lost at least 16 Cushies - about 2 a year - that I know of. I wonder how many others there have been that I don't know about. Or they weren't even diagnosed yet at the time that they died.

Somehow, we have to get the system improved, to save the lives of more Cushies, known and unknown to us.

Even before I heard of the Internet, while I was waiting for surgery at NIH, a woman with Cushing's died. I would not have known except that there was an article about her in my college alumni magazine. She had been my age, lived in my city, graduated from my college with my major the same year as I did, was also a teacher, had my doctor... It could have been me. Thank goodness I didn't read about that until after my surgery.

The patients I have known about who died - 3 I have known very well. We had gotten to be good friends over the years. We managed to share good times, laughs, times of thoughtfulness, times of sadness, many phone calls and visits, adoptions of children, births of grandchildren, even a vacation! Just like "normal" friends. But we were bound by the bonds of Cushing's and we understood each other.

Even though I didn't know Martha who died last night, her death saddens me deeply. Too many deaths, too young.

Someday, I'd love to meet a Cushie in her 90's or older! "

The Best Present

2008-10-13T14:33:00.011-06:00

I had a wonderful birthday. The pretty flowers came from my birthmom, Sharon - my favorite color - purple, one of my favorite flowers - daisies, and a cute little butterfly on the basket. The cards from my dear husband and children. We had a family dinner with all the kids except Brianne and the boys (they came on Saturday) so for me, that was the most perfect gift, having all the family together. It was a great party!

Isabelle & her baby were there . . .

. . . and her mom and dad, too!

Derek and Amanda came and had fun. Can't you tell??
(Don't their names sound like a couple of radio DJ's?)

Bethany and Dustin were there.
(I had to borrow this photo from James' Birthday since for some reason we didn't get one of them yesterday.)

We watched Ryken and Alex on Saturday for Brianne so they got in on the party a little early. Ryken enjoyed helping make the cake . . .

. . . Alex had fun eating Cheetos, watching, and telling us about his orange shirt !

Mostly they just loved hanging out with their Grandpa and Nana!

I don't think anyone, except maybe Steve, truly understands how much these get-togethers take it out of me. I am paying today for the weekend but it was more than worth it!

Everyone liked the Creamy Potato Soup so I'm going to share this easy recipe with everyone!

Creamy Potato Soup
Serves 6-8

4 cups cubed peeled potatoes
1 1/4 cups water
2 teaspoons chicken bouillon
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped carrot
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 teaspoons snipped parsley
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon dill weed
4 cups milk
3 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons butter
cheese
bacon bits

In saucepan, combine potatoes, water, chicken bullion, celery, carrot, onion, parsley, salt, pepper, dill weed and butter.
Cover and simmer until veggies are tender (about 20-30 minutes).
Add 3 1/2 cups of milk and heat until hot.
Blend flour with 1/2 cup milk stirring till smooth, then stir into soup.
Cook, stirring constantly until thick and bubbly.
Sprinkle cheese and bacon bits over the top and serve.

This is the recipe as written. I made a few modifications.

I added only half the Dill Weed. I am not too fond of dill but you really can't taste it
I decreased the celery. This is personal choice, so add as much as you like
I used dried Parsley instead of fresh
I took half the potato mixture and pureed in blender for thickness
Added a cup of shredded cheddar cheese when I added milk to melt into soup
Cooked 2-3 slices of bacon for bacon bits and added to soup
Cooked until thick and bubbly then transferred to crock pot. The only problem with the crock pot method is that the milk will begin to separate.

Today is My Birthday!

2008-10-12T13:43:00.002-06:00

48 is pretty great!!

I Miss My Neck

2008-10-09T23:41:00.003-06:00

Is anyone familiar with the song by Darrel Worley called "I Miss My Friend" ? I've taken liberty with his tune and written my own lyrics - tongue firmly in cheek - as an Ode to Cushings.

In case you're not familiar with his song, here is a link I Miss My Friend by Darrell Worley

I Miss My Neck

I miss the look of the body I once recognized
The way my soft, thick hair would fall
I miss the power of the libido I once had
But, oh, most of all

I miss my neck
The one that once was long and thin
And wore a necklace with ease
The clavicle bones that showed and my lovely single chin
Yes, that lovely single chin
I miss my neck

I miss the waistline that once was in my life
The stomach that didn't go on and on
I miss my big brown eyes that stood out on my face
Now they're hard to find

I miss my neck
The one that once was long and thin
And wore a necklace with ease
The clavicle bones that showed and my lovely single chin
Yes, that lovely single chin

I miss my neck
I miss those eyes
I miss my waist
I even miss my familiar face
Those high cheekbones
My ankles toned
And my arms once nice and strong

I miss my neck
The one that once was long and thin
And wore a necklace with ease
The clavicle bones that showed and my lovely single chin
Yes, that lovely single chin
I miss my neck

Ahhh . . .kids!

2008-10-05T14:49:00.004-06:00

Our three year-old grandson, Ryken, has been going through the hit and miss of potty training. Lately he has been hitting more than missing so was promised by his mom, Brianne, that on the weekend they could go buy some big boy underwear. Envisioning Spiderman or Sponge Bob I'm sure, you can imagine her surprise at the underwear Ryken requested. When asked, he replied, "I want pink with yellow flowers." I can just imagine Brianne choking back her laughter at this response! The weekend came and the promised shopping trip resulted in some brand new big boy underwear - Thomas the Tank Engine won out!

Our new babies . . .

2008-10-04T16:17:00.003-06:00

I saw this on Maggie's Blog and it was so funny . . . I had to try it.
Boy - Steve and I would have had some adorable kids! Guess we'll just have to settle for our adorable grandbabies!

My new sweet baby - Baby Girl Pay!

2008-10-04T16:17:00.001-06:00

What do you think about my little new baby Baby Girl Pay?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

My new sweet baby - Baby Boy Pay, Jr.!

2008-10-04T16:13:00.001-06:00

What do you think about my little new baby Baby Boy Pay, Jr.?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

Family, Conference and Holding Hands

2008-10-04T14:13:00.017-06:00

Four years ago at this time of year my husband, Steve, and I had just begun dating. We actually met in September of 2004, he making the hour and a half drive from Draper to my home in Logan. Due to the circumstances of his family's relationship to the Prophet of our church at that time, he was able to secure tickets to attend the LDS General Conference Saturday morning session. I had never been to General Conference in the newer Conference Center so was quite excited.

Imagine my further excitement when we were seated just 8 rows from the podium in the family section. I was only 8 rows away when President Gordon B. Hinckley addressed the conference.(Photo right: Gordon & Marjorie Hinckley) I could see his eyes and benefited from the pure love of Christ that emanated so freely from him. I smiled with others as he raised his cane in greeting and then again as he exited the meeting. My sweet husband reminds me of that day from time to time and how he was nervous and really wanted to hold my hand. He finally did reach over and hold my hand during the Conference session and thus began a beautiful friendship and loving relationship that we celebrate each day. I don't think he knew, those four years ago, how he changed my life by taking me with him to that Conference session and holding my hand.

Firstly, I met members of his extended family, who welcomed me then as they do now, with open arms and welcoming smiles. Steve's mom, Edna, passed away in2003, so I never got to meet her. I have heard stories and seen photos and really wish I could have known her. She sounds like so much fun! Steve's dad, Doug, was blessed with five sisters and one brother. (Photo to left: Daughter Bethany with Grandpa Pay) The sisters, Marjorie, Helen, Doreen, Evelyn and Joanne and the brother, Harold, who died as an infant. Marjorie became Marjorie Pay Hinckley, married to our beloved Prophet, Gordon Bitner Hinckley, who Steve's dad remembers as "the boy up the street". Marj passed away in 2004. She is still a vibrant part of the family as they laugh and talk about her life and share with the rest of us the special individual she was. Helen was killed in a car accident many years ago, but the remaining sisters are lovingly devoted to their older brother Doug.

Doug, Evelyn, Darwin, Doreen, Joanne 2005

There is nothing he can't do, in their eyes. They adore him and I have learned so much from their examples of love and respect. They began meeting each Wednesday morning as siblings when Marjorie was still alive and they have continued that tradition. They talk about family happenings, upcoming events or firesides they're involved in but mostly, I think, they meet just to be together and share the special ties they have as siblings. How special they are! I feel so privileged to be part of this beautiful family.

How did my life change on that Conference day four years ago? Its pretty obvious, I married the man that held my hand that day on February 17, 2006. But more than that, I learnedwhat it is to be truly loved and respected by a man, to be cherished and to be a true partner in a marriage relationship. I don't want to get too mushy but until I met Steve, I didn't know what it was like to truly be loved unconditionally by a man, to be served by him without thought to himself, to be watched over and protected by him to be blessed through the Priesthood by him. I didn't know that I could be just me and have it be okay. My past life had existed of those who took, but this dear man, gave and continues to give. He taught me to trust not only him but in the process I learned to trust my Heavenly Father again, and in His son, Jesus Christ, whose love I never doubted but in whose care I didn't trust myself to be. I marveled that there could be a man like this . . . until I met his family, then I knew. He had learned at the knee of his own father through the love for his mother; he witnessed his aunts and uncles, and his grandparents, their examples of love for each other and for the Savior.
Steve still holds my hand and I expect he will continue to do so --- throughout the eternities.

And the winner is . . .

2008-09-27T08:54:00.002-06:00

Drum roll please! I placed the numbers of my comment makers into the Random Interger finer and the winning number is: 2! Which is Janine - Congratulations! You'll have to email me your new address so I can get these books to you.

Wasn't that fun? No worries, as mentioned in the previous post, I have more books so stay tuned for the next book give-away!

First Ever Book Give-Away!

2008-09-24T06:52:00.006-06:00

I'm having a book give-away. Just like the big time bloggers! Not necessarily because I have tons of readers of my blog. Its much simpler than that. You see, with this nutty disease that I have sometimes my brain doesn't function at is greatest capacity and my memory is affected. That's the case today.

I love to read and am an avid reader. I love mysteries, suspense, romantic suspense, thrillers, etc. So being home a lot I've been reading anything I could find. The library is tired of me! I joined a couple of book clubs and when one of them had a buy one get one free event, I couldn't resist. I was so excited to order my books - I got 8 of them $35! You can't beat that. I waited anxiously for them to arrive, which they did on Monday. Imagine my chagrin when I opened the newly arrived books and discovered that I already had three of them! That stupid memory of mine. Two others that I had ordered for Steve - he had already read - so I actually only got 3 new books. *sigh* Oh well, my loss, your gain.

I thought if Pioneer Woman can do it and Country Doctor's Wife - why can't plain ol' me? So today I am having the first book give-away. I will use the Integer Generator to select a winner by entering in all the comment numbers of those who leave a comment. Selection will be totally at random. (I can only ship within the U.S. . . sorry any non-U.S. -ers)Sound like fun? May as well give it try! Contest ends Friday at 8:00 pm. I'll announce the winners on Saturday morning! Good luck!

Oh . . .and if you enter the contest and you haven't signed my Guestbook, will you please do so? Its at the bottom of my blog page.

Here are the first two books - they come as a set:
Both books feature Ridley Jones. I'll paste summaries below.

Beautiful Lies

From Booklist
Unless readers scan the biographical information first, they will never guess that Unger is a first novelist. Her ability to generate spine-tingling suspense while evoking the danger and glamour of New York City is matched by her skill in creating memorable, realistic characters. Most notable is protagonist Ridley Scott, a freelance writer whose life changes when she rescues a toddler who wanders into traffic. Her heroic act delights a city of cynical New Yorkers and leads to weeks of newspaper and TV publicity. While enjoying her 15 minutes of fame, Ridley receives a strange message from someone claiming to be her father--but she already has a father. Her parents dismiss the note as the work of a crackpot, but Ridley senses they are lying. Perhaps the only one who knows the truth is her brother, Ace, estranged from the family as a result of his drug addiction. Just as Ridley starts to investigate her own past, she meets Jake, a handsome new neighbor who quickly becomes involved in her quest. When it turns out Jake might be connected to her investigation, Ridley feels betrayed--is he using her? Unger takes readers on a pulse-pounding ride through the Big Apple in this outstanding debut that will please both pace-obsessed thriller fans and those who want to savor the more subtle aspects of character development. Jenny McLarin Copyright © American Library Association.

Beautiful lies: a novel [Editorial Review]. (n.d.). Retrieved September 24, 2008, from Booklist Website: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/product-description/0307336824/ ref=dp_proddesc_0?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books

Sliver of Truth

Unger's popular debut, Beautiful Lies (2006), introduced readers to Ridley Jones, a New York freelance writer who rescues a toddler who wanders onto a busy Manhattan street. The press attention Ridley's heroic act attracts brings to the surface a series of startling truths, which Ridley's adoptive parents have kept from her all her life. (They gained custody of Ridley through Project Rescue, an organization with links to organized crime.) Ridley's late, beloved uncle Max, it seems, was really her father, a complicated man with a dark, twisted side. In this sizzling sequel, a shadowy figure in a trio of photos prompts Ridley to wonder whether Max is indeed dead. Unger's plot bursts from the starting gate and never lets up, as Ridley pieces together the puzzle that is her past. Just a footstep or two behind her is rogue FBI agent Dylan Grace, who has his own distressing motivations for wanting to know Max's whereabouts. The deeper Ridley digs, the more she doubts herself and the "uncle" she thought she knew. But Ridley (who suggests a more serious version of Janet Evanovich's self-deprecating Stephanie Plum) is never deterred: "Sometimes there is only one choice in the pursuit of the truth; sometimes turning away just isn't an option." Allison Block Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Sliver of truth: a novel [Editorial Review]. (n.d.). Retrieved September 24, 2008, from Booklist Web site: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/product-description/0307336824/ ref=dp_proddesc_0?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books

Chronic illness: Acceptance is the first step toward healing

2008-09-22T13:35:00.004-06:00

I've been in denial. Sort of. This weekend I had a good "come to Jesus meeting" with myself and realized that there are some things I needed to do differently.

The title of this blog comes from an article I read online about a woman named Sally who has been suffering for 21 years with chronic fatigue syndrome. The article was about the skills she uses to cope with this chronic and oft time debilitating illness. I found this paragraph very interesting, "Sally is not alone in having a chronic condition, one that creates persistent and recurring health problems. According to the November 13, 1996, issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), researchers estimated that by 1995, the number of people living with chronic conditions reached 100 million. Unlike acute infections or broken bones that heal with antibiotics and time, chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, lupus, multiple sclerosis and inflammatory bowel disorders last for years, affecting nearly every aspect of a person's life. Yet the JAMA article noted that -- contrary to popular belief -- the majority of persons living with chronic conditions are not elderly or disabled. More than half are adults aged 18 to 64, and few of them report activity limitations as a result of their condition." If so many people are living normal lives with these illnesses, then what is their secret? The word Sally used is what my meeting with myself was all about: acceptance.

Its not an easy thing, yet as I came to terms with my own acceptance of the illness I have and read about the acceptance that Sally has found, I gained strength, new insight and above all, forgiveness of self. I'll try to explain. First the strength. My strength comes from my dear husband who is so loving and supportive. He gets just as upset and frustrated with this disease as I do. Yet, he never loses patience with me and always . . always is loving, kind and encouraging. My strength comes from my Father in Heaven and his Son, Jesus Christ. I know they are aware of me and my struggles and they send me peace, comfort and love through a myriad of daily experiences; the smile and sweet "loves" of my granddaughter, a beautiful sunny day, dear friends who write and cheer me, my children who never seem to mind that some days I am in my pajamas when they leave for the day and still in them when they come home. I am so blessed. The new insight I gained? That we make acceptance harder than it has to be. Why do we struggle so hard against "what is" ? We can't change it by willing it away. By accepting things as they are, we save energy instead of wasting in on wishing for things to be different. I like how Sally phrased it,"No matter how hard I might wish for the sky to be purple, the sky will still be blue and I will be unhappy about it." Acceptance gives you the freedom to place your energy elsewhere. Finally, I've gained forgiveness of self. I felt guilty because I can't do a lot of things I used to be able to do. I can't work and help provide for our family, I can't clean the house, I can't always cook dinner. Its not my fault that I can't do these things so why spend negative energy feeling guilty about it? What is . . is . . and I have come to accept that. I have a chronic illness and although I've not been officially diagnosed, it is believed I suffer from Cyclical Cushing's Diseae. (see right side bar for more information) My days are never the same. Some days I feel really good, some days I can barely get off the couch. Some days I have clear thought and memory, some days I am vague and confused. They are all part of the disease and I have determined to do my best to accept and adapt.

Sally shared some excellent insights and tips in the article that I'm going to pass along:

Acceptance is only about today.

It may sound trite, but when you struggle with a chronic illness -- one whose symptoms flare up often, without warning -- you must take each day at a time, realizing that each day will be different. One way to gauge and pace yourself is to use a 10-point rating scale. For example, 1 could mean being bedridden and 10 a total absence of symptoms. Most days Sally is 3 or 4; 5 is a good day for her. She knows there are certain things she can't accomplish if she's having a "3" day.

Acceptance is not an admission of failure. Sally has been unable to work since earning her doctorate, and she felt guilty about her inability to help buy the house that she and her husband had always wanted. But over time she learned that comparing herself with healthy people was self-defeating. Today, it helps her to remember that everyone has limitations of one type or another, and what counts is your ability to cope by means of your own abilities -- not someone else's.

Acceptance doesn't mean giving up. Getting sick can feel like hitting a dead end, Sally explains. The path you expected to take is no longer available. If you try to knock through the wall, you might become sicker. A better way to proceed -- one that is far from quitting -- is to adjust your thinking and find a new path. "Acceptance doesn't mean you're surrendering," Sally says, "it just means you're advancing in a new direction."

Acceptance means welcoming change. Adaptation may mean a change in everyday routines. You don't have to stop doing what you did before, but you may need to reduce the amount of time you spend doing it or scale back in other ways. Also, try and think outside the box. For example, when she is too tired to stand up to cook, Sally pulls a stool up to the kitchen counter. Who said you can't cook while sitting down?

Sally has learned that the most practical and healthy way to live is to accept her life with chronic fatigue syndrome and re adapt to her changed physical abilities.

You can read the whole article here: http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/news/Oct1999/AcceptingChronicIllness.html

Brain Break

2008-09-16T06:59:00.006-06:00

I have 15 days to finish my last three homework assignments and then I am finally finished and will have my Bachelor's Degree in Education. 15 days - count them - and 3 assignments. You would think, "Piece of cake, Christina. You can do it!" uh huh. Consider that one assignment is a 20 - 30 page research paper on "The Future of Education". I have 20 pages completed and need to refine and add a few more things. ugh. The next assignment is an annotated bibliography of 50 books on educational thought, theory and practice - yawn . . .and finally the last assignment is a PowerPoint presentation to go with the 20 - 30 page essay. My term ends September 30th. So . . .my brain is fried at the moment. In light of that this blog has suffered so I am offering up two items today that may fill the void.

The first we can thank Krista for. She tagged me with this Meme . . and since it required only light thought, not the deep, philosophical thinking on the ills that face our public education system . . .I think I can oblige:

1. Where were you 10 years ago?

Ten years ago I was the Stepford Wife! I had four perfect kids still at home, ages 8 - 17, kept a perfect house, with perfect meals fixed daily, worked as a perfect long-term substitute in a 6th grade class and was just perfect, perfect, perfect. Yeah, right. I was miserable - except for my kids! They have been and always will be the light in my life. It would be less than a year before the perfect world shattered (via divorce) and the real world and ultimately happiness would take over.

2. What's on your to do list today?

Hmm....let me think about that one. Homework, homework, and homework! Oh and I suppose I better fix dinner tonight for when my remaining troops arrive home!

3. What if you were a Billionaire?

I would have someone else fix dinner for my troops AND do my homework! Nah . . . well maybe the fixing dinner part. I'd pay off all of our debts, set up trust funds for our children, help our parents financially and then volunteer in humanitarian organizations helping where I could. A home in Hawaii would be nice . . .

4. Name five places you have lived:

Only five???? Well okay . . .

Idaho Falls, Idaho - I was born there and lived there until I was 9. This "frozen tundra" was the Mayberry of the west when I was young.

North Ogden, Utah - We moved there and lived with my grandpa for two years. Wonderful memories and where my love of hiking was born.

California - We lived in Whittier, which really doesn't count - and then Cupertino - which does. I spent my teen years here, learned a lot and grew friendships that I still have to this day.

Rexburg, Idaho - Went to college here. Best two years of my life ( pre-Steve and pre-kids)

Ok, I'll have to do these together: Jordan Valley, Oregon; Ogden & Roy, Utah; Madera, California; Roy, Utah; Ogden, Utah; Clearfield, Utah; West Point, Utah; Logan, Utah; Draper, Utah; AND (drum roll please) West Point, Utah! Ta da! That's five, right???

5. What are three bad habits you have?

1. When life is stressful . . . I bite my fingernails. (Please don't look at them right now!)

2. Reading. Usually a good thing, but when I get into a book (usually a mystery or crime novel) I can't put it down. (laundry? what laundry? dinner? I'm supposed to cook it? really . . . you get the idea)

3. I guess this is a bad habit. I get the giggles . . . many times in an inappropriate time or place. Enough said. If you know me, you know its true!
6. What kind of snack do you like?

I am like Krista and love natural almonds - even better, natural almonds roasted - no salt or anything else added. I also love the organic mini-carrots from Winder Farms - yummy. And of course, chocolate. (I am a woman, afterall!)

7. Who will you tag next?

Maggie

Carrie

Bethany

I need to find more blogging friends! Janine and Krista were already tagged, so I cheated and added Bethany who doesn't blog . . .per se . . she does the Facebook thing.

AND NOW, Part II

I found this on Krista's friend's blog and really liked it so I stole it. . . .borrowed it . . .hijacked it . . whatever it's called. I smiled, laughed and agreed with what he said. Enjoy!

In Memory of the Victims and Heros 9/11/2001

2008-09-11T12:18:00.002-06:00

I don't imagine many of us forget where we were on that September day in 2001. I was getting ready for work and as was my habit, had the morning news on the TV. I watched in horror as the 2nd plane hit the tower. I was stunned, shocked and I mourned with the rest of the nation at the loss of so many lives. I'll never forget that day.

I've been to Ground Zero. Twice now. It is a sacred place, holy to the memory of those who lost their lives there. A peaceful silence engulfs you as the sounds of the city fade into the background and you almost feel that if you looked close enough you could see loving arms welcoming home the many souls to Heaven.

I've walked the streets that those who fled ran down, been inside the Church were many sought shelter; I've been to the Fire Station across the street and ridden the escalators and descended the stairs to the World Trade Center Subway Station - that is an eerie feeling when you consider all that occurred there. I am humbled when I think of the many heroes who died doing their duty - saving their city neighbors - and the many heroes who came after to search for and dig out the dead and who helped a city stand on its feet again. May we never forget.

Wedding Bells

2008-09-04T07:06:00.010-06:00

Dustin and Bethany Larson

This is the blog we've all been waiting for. Bethany & Dustin's wedding pictures! I won't distract from the photos with a lot of writing, but, isn't she a beautiful bride?
(Dustin cleaned up well, too!)

The wedding was held at the historic Eccles Mansion in Ogden, Utah. It is now the Eccles Community Art Center. It was a lovely setting and a beautiful day.
Our Children:
James, Bethany, Derek
Kaitlyn, Brianne, Holly

Our Family:
Maggie, James, Bethany, Dustin, Derek
Isabelle, Kaitlyn, Brianne, Holly

The Whole Family
(Notice Bethany's shoes. Reminds me of the Wizard of Oz for some reason!)

Enjoy these photographic memories of Bethany's Special Day!

I'm not Old, I'm Vintage

2008-08-29T10:41:00.012-06:00

This dress, to me, is Vintage. This is my Aunt Jeanne, Maid of Honor in my mother's wedding in July, 1951. I have this dress. It has been sitting in a bag in the garage because I didn't know what to do with it.

Knowing that vintage dresses are popular for collectors I got the dress out and had my daughter, Kaitlyn model it. Isn't she cute?

I decided to look on Ebay to see what "vintage" dresses were selling for. Perhaps I could sell my aunt's dress there. What I found was shocking! It was so incredibly shocking that I had to sit down (actually I was already sitting down - at my desk -looking at the computer screen).

And what exactly did I find that was so shocking? For those of you my age -- you'll recall a dress maker from San Francisco called Gunne Sax. I don't know if they're still in business or not but in the 1970's they were a popular dress company. I loved Gunne Sax. I dug through my old photos and sure enough, there were several examples of me in Gunne Sax dresses. (You can laugh - I did!)

My mom and I circa 1974-75-ish

My mom looks better than I did! But the point was to show you two Gunne Sax dresses. Pretty weren't they? Very feminine and frilly. That's not the only Gunne Sax I owned. You see there was a Gunne Sax outlet in San Francisco in the warehouse district. We would drive up from Cupertino (abt. 45mins) and shop the seconds. Back then, outlets were not very common and the prices were actually really discounted. You could buy a dress like this for $15 to $20! Amazing!

I remember this day very well. We had gone to
Treasure Island Naval Base to pick my grandpa up. (He had flown in to visit us from Utah. As a retired Naval Captain he was able to fly military flights from Hill AFB at no cost.) My blouse AND skirt are both Gunne Sax. And that round medallion around my neck? A Jonathan Livingston Seagull necklace - how much more '70's could I get? Check out my brother's hair. Bet he wished he had that now! (sorry, Eric!) What I remember about this day was how cold and windy it was and I was getting a cold AND there was a dance that night. Of course that was the important part - the dance. I remember because it was the first time I slow danced with Kirk Harline - the big crush of my life at that time! I noted in my journal that he even "sang in my ear. Totally off key" - but I would never tell him and I wrote that I thought it was "soooooooooo sweet." (Yes, all of those "o's" were included!)

Of course before heading off to college in Idaho, I paid a visit to the Gunne Sax store and bought a few more dresses to take with me. This was a versatile dress because I could wear it summer or winter!I think the kitty was a stray that found our apartment and adopted us. Wow - wish I had that waistline again!

Finally my very favorite Gunne Sax dress. I loved this dress! I am standing here on graduation day with my roommate, neighbor and dear friend Valerie (she is sporting her hair color of the week! heehee Love you Val!)

I wore that dress until I couldn't anymore. Probably sometime after the birth of my son. Darn. It sure was pretty.

All the Gunne Sax dresses were pretty. They made me feel pretty when I wore them. Maybe that's whats wrong with our society today - we don't wear enough frilly dresses so we don't feel pretty. hmmmm. Topic for another time.

So back to my shock at what I found on Ebay.
Check this out Gunne Sax Dresses .

When I searched for "Vintage Dresses" this is what came up! The dresses I used to wear are Vintage. With a capital "V". The dress that I bought for $15.00 now sells for $163.00! Amazing! I should have hung on to those dresses! I suppose knowing this should make me feel old, but it doesn't. I realized something: I am not old, I am Vintage! And what of my aunt's vintage dress from 1951? I found a similar item, taffeta, spaghetti straps, jacket - starting price? $49.00

Time for a Cruise

2008-08-27T12:18:00.005-06:00

I know, I know. You're all waiting for pictures from Bethany and Dustin's wedding. I'm waiting too. You're probably a lot more patient than I am! While we wait for the photographer to get photos to them (and yes, I had my camera there but was too busy to use it!) I'll try and think of something else entertaining to share.

Dustin and Bethany are back, by the way. They got home from their 5-day Mexican Riviera Cruise on Saturday night. Bethany was pretty excited because they went snorkeling in deep water. That is quite an accomplishment for her and I am proud of her. You see, she and I share the same fear of water. Not like in a swimming pool - we can see the bottom of that. But of oceans, lakes, you get the idea. So for her to snorkel in deep water is very impressive. She's done it, now maybe I'll be brave enough to try. If I ever get the chance, that is. You can't very well snorkel in the Great Salt Lake. Ick! Besides the salt and dead organisms what would you see? Brine shrimp? Double ick! No no, it will have to be a beautiful, clear ocean with lots of pretty colored fish. No sharks. Dolphins are okay, though. Maybe someday.

I'm not sure why Bethany has that fear of water. I know why I do. When I was a little girl and didn't know how to swim, my dad said he'd catch me if I went down the slide into the deep end of the pool. I trusted my daddy, so down the slide I went. Well, he didn't catch me. He let me go into the pool where my eyes, nose and mouth all filled with water. He lifted me out, of course, and I'm sure I choked, sputtered and wailed loud enough to make him feel badly for not catching me. That experience unfortunately has stayed with me my whole life. I can swim enough to keep myself afloat and to enjoy swimming but I am terrified of being dunked and my family knows to not even tease me by doing that. Funny how those fears can stay with us.

I've tried on several occasions to conquer that particular fear, but to no avail. When I was dating I went out with a guy who had wave runners. We went to Willard Bay and I bravely rode a wave runner - very slowly . . .lol. I did not want to fall off. Life vest or not, I couldn't see the bottom of the Bay which was terrifying to me. He was a good sport about it and I got up to 25 mph eventually. :o) I conquered the fear of riding wave runners, but not of the water. Oh well.

Perhaps I just need to go on a cruise and go snorkeling . . .yeah, that's it. Ummm, Steve, honey, don't you want to help me conquer my fear of water? Where better than on a ship on a large body of water, perhaps somewhere tropical . . .

I Am Stronger Than I Thought

2008-08-25T12:05:00.004-06:00

This "mantra" came to me this weekend from a friend on my Cushing's Support message board. I was feeling a bit down and she sent this to cheer me. I like it a lot so decided to share it here for others who may need it and as a reminder to myself. Thanks Sybil!

I am stronger than I thought
I am a lot less shallow than I thought
I am more than this disease and more than my body
I know the difference between not wanting to and not being able to
Sometimes sitting on the sofa doing nothing is the best you can do
I have amazing friends and a family that cares
I have a great support system from this website
People will surprise you by how giving they can be and how thoughtless they can be at the same time
I still have hope, optimism and faith
I don't know how to give up
I can still laugh hard even if it isn't as often
I know what it means to be patient
I know what it means to fight
I know it will get better
My future is limitless because if I can get through this, there is nothing I can't do once I am better!

Joy Cometh in the Morning

2008-08-22T07:20:00.007-06:00

"For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life:
weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Psalms 30:5

I live in a beautiful place. My favorite view is from my kitchen window. I can look across the fields and see the mountain peaks of Ben Lomond and Willard shrouded
in the early morning haze.

Morning is my favorite time of day. It is when the world wakes up, every living thing is
touched by the rays of sunlight peeking through Weber Canyon.

No matter how dark the night . . . morning always comes
and with it the hope of a new day.

Be My Guests!

2008-08-14T07:37:00.002-06:00

I just added this really cool Guestbook to my blog. You have to scroll down to the bottom of the page to see it - but when you get there the fun begins! I have a counter on my page too, so I wondered who are the 700 plus people who have looked at my blog. Hence: The Guestbook.

All you have to do is click on the arrow and add your information. A picture would be fun - but if you are camera shy, just add your name and where you're from. You can add your first name only, your online or chat name, whatever your comfortable with. I think it will let you add a video if you want. It will be fun to see who breezes on by so please play along and sign my Guestbook.

Wedding Announcement

2008-08-12T12:10:00.005-06:00

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few weeks and have not read my blog, it may be news to you that our daughter, Bethany, is getting married. This coming Saturday to be exact. I didn't get to send out all the announcements I wanted because Bethany and Dustin, both coming from families of divorce, decided they didn't have room to put all the parents names on the invitation. I knew there would be friends of mine who, not knowing Bethany, would get their invitations and say, "Bethany who? Dustin who?" So I am posting it on my blog just so you don't feel left out. I hope that's not too tacky. If you're free on Saturday - please stop by - you truly are welcome. If not - then please just send some positive thoughts the happy couple's way. You can click on the photo to see details.

Recipe Time!

2008-08-11T15:54:00.007-06:00

Saturday was our family bridal shower for my daughter, Bethany. We served a light luncheon and due to many requests, I am going to share the menu and recipes here. We had Chicken Salad Croissants, a lovely fruit bowl made by Dustin's Mom, Amy, a veggie tray with Ranch dip, chips, and a yummy slush to drink. For dessert we had Chocolate Éclairs. Now before you all think I am this fantastic cook, I just have to add that everything I make has to be easy or I don't do it. I like simple and simple is usually good. So feel free to use these recipes - they are nummy!

Chicken Salad Croissants

2 Tbsp. Water Chestnuts, drained and chopped
1 Tbsp. Onion, chopped
1 6 oz. can White Chicken, drained and flaked
2 Tbsp. Sour Cream
2 Tbsp. Mayonnaise
1/4 tsp. Dill Weed
1/4 cup (or to taste) Celery, chopped
1 pkg. small bakery Croissants

Combine all ingredients and stir together. Mix well. Slice open croissant and fill with 2 Tbsp. of Chicken Salad. Serve immediately or cover with plastic wrap to keep fresh until served.

Lemonade Slush

12 oz. can Pink Lemonade (mix as directed on package)
Add:
2 cups sugar and 6 additional cups of water, dissolving sugar. Add red food color to enhance color if desired.
Freeze mixture 24 hours in a gallon ice cream bucket or large bowl.
When ready to serve:
Chip frozen mixture into punch bowl. Pour Cherry 7-Up over slush.

Chocolate Éclairs

1/2 cup margerine or butter
1 cup all purpose flour
4 eggs
1 cup water
1/8 tsp. salt
Instant vanilla pudding, whipped cream, fresh fruit, or sherbet
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

In a medium saucepan combine margarine or butter, 1 cup water, and 1/8 teaspoon salt. Bring to boiling. Add flour all at once, stirring vigorously. Cook and stir till mixture forms a ball that doesn't separate. Remove from heat. Cool 10 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating with a wooden spoon after each addition till smooth.

Either drop by heaping spoonfuls onto a greased baking sheet ( 3 inches apart) or spoon batter into a pastry tube fitted with a Number 10 or larger tip. (For me its easier to just drop by spoonfuls!) If you use the pastry tube, slowly pipe strips of batter onto a greased baking sheet, making each strip about 4 inches long, 3/4 inches wide, and 1 inch high. Bake in a 400 degree oven for 30 - 35 minutes or till golden. Cool on a wire rack. When cool, slice pasty open. Fill with pudding or whipped cream. Drizzle Powdered Sugar Icing over the top. OR if you'd rather just have Cream Puffs - fill with whipped cream and sprinkle the top with plain powdered sugar. Makes 12.

Powdered Sugar Icing

1 cup sifted powdered sugar
1/4 tsp. vanilla
Milk
2 Tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder

Mix powdered sugar, vanilla, cocoa and 1 Tbsp. milk. Still in milk 1 tsp. at a time till of drizzling consistency. Makes 1/2 cup .

Umm, Umm Good!

The Many Faces of Cyclic Cushing's

2008-08-08T11:39:00.006-06:00

I try not to talk about my illness too much in my blog. I get tired enough of hearing myself talk about it so why should I tire all of you with the details? I try to stay upbeat and cheerful and optimistic. Yet there are days and there are times where I just have to express some thoughts. It helps me to get them out. I suppose its part of the grieving process - sorrow over losing the old me to this stupid disease. And so today I'll try to be brief as I honestly tell you what it is like to have a chronic illness. It stinks. Big time. I think the thing that is hardest is that I have no control over what my body does. That itty bitty tumor - Maybe I'll name it Bitsy (and we are talking small 2mm x 2mm) has more control over what happens to me than I do.

The Face of Cushing's - Transitioning

The grief comes in remembering how I used to be. The energy I used to have. Kaitlyn, Holly and I are throwing a family bridal shower for Bethany tomorrow. So in the spirit of knowing I will have guests in my home, we've been trying to clean the house. A simple task - in the olden days. I had energy enough back then to start at one end and clean to the other. And not just clean, what my kids used to call "mom clean". That means the deep down and get into nooks and crannies kind of clean. I just folded a load of towels. It wore me out. Even now I can hear Kaitlyn mopping the kitchen floor and while I am so very grateful to have her and to have her help, I mourn the fact that I can't mop a floor. Maybe a small section, but not the whole thing. Of course I'm not like this every day. There are days when I can clean a bathroom and do laundry. But not without breaks in between. There are days when I am so weak and tired that its all I can do to get out of bed and walk to the couch - to lay there all day. Then again there are days when I have enough energy to go for long walks or work on other projects. Yeah, gotta love this disease. If its not one extreme its another!

Not only does it affect me physically - as in how I feel - but as in how I look. The weight gain for no reason at all, the inability to lose weight, the rounded face. Those symptoms affect me socially. I don't like to be seen by those who used to know me. Its embarrassing. I know I have no control over it but they don't. I know, I know, what kind of friends are those? Thats just it. Its not them, its me. Its how I feel about myself and this new body image. So I become a hermit. I don't allow my family to take pictures. Its all too sad. I don't feel feminine or pretty. As much as my dear husband tries to assure me, and tells me I am beautiful and treats me no differently now as when we dated. Its not him - Its me - or Bitsy. I got brave and posted my transitioning photos. Even then the most recent is a year ago. Guess I'm not that brave. I suppose that depressed way of thinking is also due to the disease. And so I feel sorrow and loss. I miss the interactions with others. I miss parties and having fun. But I am in a self-made prison at times. But just as quickly the tumor goes on and floods my body with cortisol and then my emotions go haywire. I have energy and I can face the world. Crazy, crazy disease.

That's my vent. I feel better. Sometimes I hold it inside because I am embarrassed at the ugliness of this illness. I know that someday I'll be brave enough to face old friends and family and let them see this new me. Maybe. I guess that all depends on Bitsy.