Baby Steps

My "baby steps" park

People ask me all the time how I am doing since my pituitary surgery 4 months ago. I am almost embarrassed to answer because my answer sounds much the same as it did before my surgery. I usually say, "It depends on the day... sometimes good and sometimes not so good." I know it sounds vague and after having the surgery so many people are expecting me to be "all better". How I wish that were so.My Cushie friends remind me I was sick for a very long time and its going to take my body a long time to catch up and re-set itself. I am feeling, for the most part, really good. I have good energy days and not so good energy days. The horrible fatigue that was part of my life for so long disappeared the moment I awoke from surgery, and has not returned. Thankfully. However, I still get tired but that, too, is getting better. The weakness in my muscles is still there. Some days it causes me problems and other days it doesn't. Do you see now why my answers are so ambivalent sounding? For now, I just take each day as it comes. Its all I can do, otherwise I get extremely frustrated and impatient. I was reminded of this when I went for a walk today. Its been a month since my 2 mile walk day. I crashed hard after that, unfortunately, and its taken me a month, some hydrocortisone, and a pep talk from some of my Cushie friends to get back on track. I'm off the hyrdo now and feeling pretty good thanks to adding some testosterone into my daily regime. (it helps with muscle weakness, sleeping, and energy) I am taking so many hormones right now I could make another person! But back to today. I made myself start out slowly and walked two laps around the park. That's not much by my old standards. I used to walk 5 miles a day and at a pretty good clip. My legs won't do that right now, so I had to remind myself that this was my baby steps day. Its almost as if I have to re-learn how to walk and to re-train muscles that haven't been used in a very long time. I can accomplish this. And I can build upon it. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day I'll have my muscles working again. One day I'll walk five miles again. But, for today, twice around the track at the park was just right.